Hi Vise, I certainly understand how you feel and where you're coming from as none of this is easy. The difference in my S is that my WW has had OM since before BD. We had in house separation for 4 months (was not easy I tell you). So based on what you say before, what would change your thoughts or feelings if you did find your w cheating on you? Would your approach to DB'ing change, and if so how?
Originally Posted By: vise82
Why will she want it to change, living separated in the house and we are not together but we are. I guess that is the problem, I still think we are together.
I can understand this is tough... especially being in same house. Again, my S was different with OM in the picture but I had to let go of the outcome and just feel like roommates. I gave my WW plenty of space, declined invites to do things with S2 (such as go for walks, etc.) and accept things that I knew I was okay with. Over time, I let her do and experience things on her own while I focused on myself and GAL. This helped tremendously. Again, I mourned my R loss early on as I even told my WW that when she chose OM, she made her path known and that we would not be friends. The hardest part was letting go. But I also said that as our R is done and finished, anything new would be the basis of a new R if and when that would happen.
Early on I did things with WW and my S2 as I wanted my family together. But this was causing internal pain because I was expecting the outcome of reconciliation at some point. While this is the end goal to never give up hope, I began looking at the reality of the situation that it may not happen for a while.
I wish I could give you valuable advice on your S, but unfortunately I don't have the knowledge or experience others on this board have. All I can do is share my situation and what has worked / hasn't worked in my case. Hang in there friend as the only real thing I can say that helps over a period of time is the focus on yourself and your kids. Your W will be on her journey, but looking after yourself truly does help with PMA in time.
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
