Mediation or Court?

[Accuray]

Here's my two cents -- we didn't do mediation or court. I downloaded a template separation agreement from a legal web site. There are two components to it -- your parenting plan and your division of assets and ongoing financial support agreement.

We sat down at the kitchen table and hashed it out, and then took it to a lawyer to re-write it so it would be in a format the court would accept, had our divorce hearing in front of a judge where he confirmed that we both understood and agreed and that was it, we were done for $1,500 in legal fees cumulatively.

I think the best prescription is to consult with a lawyer to figure out what you're entitled to -- that's the high water mark, if you would accept something less as a show of good faith that will help to make things easier and keep the peace, but you have to be realistic if you can survive on that and be comfortable that it was fair.

After you know what you're entitled to, see if you can work it out at the kitchen table between the two of you. If you cannot and you come to a stalemate, then mediation would be the way to go as the focus is on getting you to compromise and agree.

In a separate lawyers / court hearing scenario you are engaging a lawyer to represent your interests to the best of their ability, which by definition is going to be contentious -- they will try to wring every last drop out of the other party, and the other party will try to do the same -- that's what you're hiring those lawyers to do for you.

Sometimes, unfortunately, one party is very unreasonable and very selfish and this is the only way to go. Speaking with my friends who have been through it, and divorce lawyers that I know, they all say that people basically end up with the same settlement no matter which way they go, the only thing that varies is how much money they spend and how much pain they go through to get there.