Ghost I feel you. Those covert contracts were huge with me in my old M also but once you recognize you have done them it easier to check yourself I'm the future. I have realized many times in the last 10 months where I can manipulate W to get something and I chose not to. Part of me even knows I could talk and guilt her back into the M but it wouldn't solve any problems so I let go.
Codependent no more is another book that helped me some even thought it's a bit different.('The Sole Partner' is my biggest book recommendation after DR) I wonder now typing this is there's a codependent no more version that deals with enmeshed relationships without the alcohol. It's still a useful book you just have to adjust some of the situations and realize they are basically the same.
I think the advice you got over the weight is great and I'll be stealing it also I have a decent program for exercise I just started but the eating needs a lot of improvement. PP might know of what I'm doing is best for weight loss so maybe I'll share what I'm doing on my thread and see what needs to be changed. Think I'll race you to that goal even though I'm starting at the weight you were pre BD. I think I can, I know I can!
You can do this Ghost, change in you can prompt a change in her it's just not guaranteed. She's stuck in her emotions about a failed M and can't see the truth that things can be different or her full role in it. Don't let that discourage you from your changing as the growth can be amazing.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I have a decent program for exercise I just started but the eating needs a lot of improvement. PP might know of what I'm doing is best for weight loss so maybe I'll share what I'm doing on my thread and see what needs to be changed. Think I'll race you to that goal even though I'm starting at the weight you were pre BD. I think I can, I know I can!