WAS or what (3)

[roist]

I am again focused on the wrong thing. Last night I searched info on EA. Whereas there seems to be different types or levels to EAs, before I didn't really understand this. My W has an inappropriate friend. They discuss us and other worries. Although it could still be just inappropriate friendship, there is am emotional openness that apparently constitutes an EA. There us no expression of sentiments for each other. My W has coded her phone but I saw her input it, so texts were most likely true)

I am fairly sure that he is not interested in having more with my W, but that does not make it OK. I THINK that my W is more attached to this friend and his support. Over the last year, I believe all other friends of my W are superficial and many of her recent friends no longer speak to her. So she seems to have just this guy.

I can understand how this came about and even that it could be good she has a good friend that she can confide in and get support from. IF it was a girl I would be even relatively happy for my W as her life seems sad to me. BUT it is a guy.

I have struggled so much the last few years especially this year. I am conflicted. I am very close to the point of no return. Not giving up but ready to move forward regardless. I had hoped and still do hope that I can be in a better situation financially before rocking the boat. For me I don't care but I have two boys that will be affected by this.

I may have contributed to problems on our M but this is not my doing. I have not checked out of our M. I am not inappropriately confiding in another W. I know many Ms bounce back from this. But I don't have high hopes.

Why am I so compelled to act on a potential friendship.
II guess it is the accumulation of everything for so long. I don't see a them getting together either way but who knows.
I almost wish that were the case as I can understand a potential happy future with someone else. I want her to be happy.

I have read so much on EAs recently and there are varying approaches for LBS. I am lost. I need to think.

For info, they are not in contact everyday and often just one or two texts. They do not see each other often and v rarely alone. Majority of texts emails etc are harmless.

Ironically yesterday evening I got my anniversary present from W. It was given in the mist unromantic low key way when all four of us were together and busy. Still I got something which sadly is more than many of you reading this.

On our wedding anniversary the first thing I did was check her phone to see if she planned meeting him.when I was away. I had ended snooping and was happy to work on me. I am not going to live like that.
I have read a lot here about how that urge resurges even during piecing. That is not how I choose to live.

I am feeling incredibly down today but not weak. Could do with support advice or just a hi from.whoever reads this.