6 months in the storm

[Avanti]

Hold your nerve and be patient ep0215.

Negotiation doesn't always have two calm people involved and the calm one always has the upper hand.

Here's a summary so far:

You submit an offer
Your husband looks quickly at the figures, they don't match with his
He calls you and tries to bully you and fails
He calls his L and rants, the L may have tried to calm him but ultimately has to comply with his client's wishes so send the letter saying litigation is the only way forward

A day or two to allow your H to calm down and really look at the figures won't hurt.

IF he still wants to go to litigation then, through your L, re-state your offer of continuing email negotiations as you see it as being the appropriate way forward for everybody then reiterate your concern about cost and also the time it will take to achieve agreement and that family money would be lost to L's.

Don't have any discussions face to face, if he brings it up when with you, calmly say (and you are good at this bit) "this is talk for our L's and that it would not be appropriate to discuss anything now in case there was any misinterpretation".

He may get frustrated, either, if you have time and space ask him why he's so upset and see if he gives you details of what is the biggest problem he has because it won't be the whole offer, or walk away. If you take the former approach, just listen and say "OK", restate what he's said to confirm your understanding then simply "I will think about it". Don't give any feedback on what you think about it to him regardless of what he tries to make you do so. Just end the conversation. The calm one maintains the control.