So my W if giving me the cold treatment and it hurts. She has not said a word to me and has been talking to her dad for about 4 hours now. What I've come to the conclusion is that when it comes to the other men in her life, she will do whatever it takes to protect those relationship, even when it isn't logical or right.
I feel disrespected and sad. Overall, I felt that a lot of progress in the last few months but since her dad came in the picture things have slowly changed. It is not that I don't want my W to reconnect with her dad, but it saddens me when she falls asleep in his lap, jokes around with him and tells him how much she loves him. In many ways, I feel like she should be giving me that same type of affection. Although things have gotten a lot better between my W and I, it is nowhere at the emotional level that she has with her dad - and this is a guy that went to prison for killing her mom. Odd thing is that I was always told by my wife that her dad shot myself after shooting my W's mom. My W saw the incidence when she was about 3 or 4 years old - so it seems like the story has changed somehow.
Throughout the relationship a common theme has been that my W has always had some OM in her life that fulfilled a need that I've always felt I should be meeting. As bad as I want an emotional connection, my W has other men in her life that she seeks that from - starting with her best friend, her dad and of course, the OM at work.
Right now I am trying so hard to keep it together. A part of me just wants to lash out in angry. Another part just wants to cry and break down. I want my W to be happy and honestly, seeing the way she talks and behaves around her dad, knowing about EA/PA she had with OM - it seems she is more happy with OM and dad in her life.
And honestly, what scares me the most is the thought of not seeing my daughter every day and I think that is probably the mean reason why I've never really had the courage to enforce the boundary with my W regarding respect and OM. It seems like that boundary would require me to leave the house, get a divorce and have limited visiting rights to my daughter. If I knew/felt that I could get full custody of my daughter, I think I would just leave the marriage at this point, at least that is how I feel at this moment. A month ago I would have told you that things have never been better between my W and I. I know I am speaking in contradictions and a lot of that is just all the emotions and bad memories I am suddenly reliving. I want nothing more than to have a true marriage, one that is united in love, trust, respect and connection. Mentally, I just feel drained and I slowly see it increasing. Help
