You know, I just realized what is haunting me. Ever since the day after I got out of jail (shudder to even have to say that) I've been struggling with depression. The entire ordeal was a trauma, I'm not exercising, and not really eating, either. Everything has gone completely flat.
I told H that I'm having a lot of trouble with depression (which is something I would do in the past) and this time he mocked me. Told me if I was going to kill myself I needed to do it already. Said he's been through this before, and people who really commit suicide don't talk about it, they just do it.
After telling me I was responsible for destroying our family, this was just too much. How can I have forgotten this man is out to get me? Nothing good was going to happen the night he sprang his cheating on me. Nothing good could come of him daring me to give up. I've got to keep it at the front of my mind that H is my enemy right now. He's way better at manipulation than I am. He's been doing it for years, and I didn't notice.
I didn't notice this time, either, until now. I kept my bedroom door locked today, so he left me alone. I'm going to rent a storage unit asap and start packing the few things I want and storing them. I'm going to disappear when he's not paying attention. I may leave a list with my kids to pack for me. He'll pretend to be the good guy in front of them.
