Slow down lovely, you are running on emotional crack. Your brain has found a thought and feeling and it's got you in it's grips.
You aren't weak, this isn't weakness this is vulnerablity. We all feel vulnerable in these moments. Strength does not disappear in the presence of vulnerablity. You know this as I have seen how you acknowledge others here in their vulnerablity. You validate their sense of powerlessness and emotionality and support them to just be where they are and feel what they feel, and that it is not a reflection of their worth.
Your resources (emotional, mental and practical) are reaching their limits and your statement " I really have too much to deal with" perfectly encapsulates this. Feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable in your circumstances is reasonable and understandable.
You need help? What kind of help would you like? Is it practical help, is emotional help? Would you like someone to cook you a meal and make you a cup of tea. Tell what it is that might help you feel less vulnerable, tell us what might help you feel reconnected to the personal strength we have all seen in you, but you have forgotten.
And just to note Ancaire, right now you don't have to be H's problem solver. And while you may feel tempted to consider dying as an option. I do wonder if H is indeed the best motivation or even worthy of your sacrifice. I know your children would never see it as a good reason.
As a person who has experienced deep depression and feelings of suicide (a month prior bomb drop and after) I can so tell you that no one person is a good motiviation for considering suicide. The cliche that there is no better revenge than living life well is true. You just need a plan to get there.
Besides you just offered your couch as a stop over for me!
There is a quote I have as my Facebook profile picture and it reads "When I get sad I stop being sad and be AWESOME instead. True Story". Smile good woman you have just forgotten how AMAZING and AWESOME you actually are.
