I have decided that I will wait until new years, and at that point, if we aren't decided one way or the other, I will ask for a decision. If she can go through the holidays, and not feel the need to reconcile, then I will feel done. I think anyway.
I have much hope from the past few days interactions with W. I think the kids are pressuring her too. I hear comments when we are together, and I get questioned when it's just the boys and me. S6 yesterday asked that I move back home for his birthday later this month. Told me that he misses me at home. Really misses me. That hurt, and made me feel loved all in one.
At the same time as this hope, I feel a bit apathetic. As crazy as that sounds to you all and myself. I love her and want her back, yet I feel fed up. I guess I am nearing the end. She seems again the beautiful girl I married, seems happier, friendlier. Almost normal, except I am still not home. But, I don't want to continue living like this. Need to figure out how to live for me, even while my money is in limbo as much as my heart.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
