Put a signature on your name so people can remember your sitch.
Get creative with gifts:
Do you have kids? : make a gift with the kids to W. Make a packed lunch for her and put a picture of the kids in it.
Buy flowers for the house, she might ask 'are they for me?'
Work out her secondary LL as well.
Last edited by isittoolate; 11/03/1507:49 PM.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
I'm glad you asking yourself, "What is in it for my wife if I go to the toy store?" Of course it is easier to shop with 2 adults in a toy store with 2 kids. Easier for her? You being invited to pay since grocery shopping is involved too? It looks like bread crumbs. This is a perfect example of being too attached. It is easy to be conflicted when you have so many emotions and thoughts going through your head!
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2x4 received and understood - thanks Sandi for yr insight .
I'm halfway through both books.
Vise - no gifts.
Me49 W45 T15 M13 S11 S8 BD 11/15/11 & 3/27/12 Moved out 4/9/12 Moved back 4/23/12 W working on US 5/20/12 Now Piecing! May-Oct14 drifting Dec 14 W agrees to more QT BD Oct15 ILYBINILWY W filed 1/25/16
You are asking about hugs and cuddles, is that a rhetorical question because I didn't give any hugs or cuddles.
Its been a week of no fighting and arguing. That means a week of peace, of feeling better, of less stress.
I did take my W up on the offer to take the kids to the toy store and grocery shopping, and dinner was added in last minute because the kids have to eat. We even went to the park together with the kids.
It was all good and fun. What do I get out of it.
I get my Wife in a good place before she goes on her two night work conference. I don't want to give her any reason to be mad at me before she goes on that trip. Yes that is fear from me, based on insecurities that she will be in an alcohol party environment. I don't want to give her a reason to cheat on me.
Don't get me wrong I see the risk if I continue down this path. Why will she want it to change, living separated in the house and we are not together but we are. I guess that is the problem, I still think we are together. I still wear my ring. She mentioned Christmas as the reason for the toy store so we can see what the kids want. Because the kids don't know anything we are going to be sharing the cost of the gifts.
Ok your turn to tell me what a mistake it was to go out with my W and kids...
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
This morning W was up when I was up, normal talk about the dog, kids logistics. I said good bye, was almost in the vehicle and my W opens the house door to ask if I wanted left overs from yesterday for lunch. I said I would eat it for dinner tonight.
Now that I think of it I should have said some sort of thank you in my response to her.
That was nice of her to think of me like that.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
Hi Vise, I certainly understand how you feel and where you're coming from as none of this is easy. The difference in my S is that my WW has had OM since before BD. We had in house separation for 4 months (was not easy I tell you). So based on what you say before, what would change your thoughts or feelings if you did find your w cheating on you? Would your approach to DB'ing change, and if so how?
Originally Posted By: vise82
Why will she want it to change, living separated in the house and we are not together but we are. I guess that is the problem, I still think we are together.
I can understand this is tough... especially being in same house. Again, my S was different with OM in the picture but I had to let go of the outcome and just feel like roommates. I gave my WW plenty of space, declined invites to do things with S2 (such as go for walks, etc.) and accept things that I knew I was okay with. Over time, I let her do and experience things on her own while I focused on myself and GAL. This helped tremendously. Again, I mourned my R loss early on as I even told my WW that when she chose OM, she made her path known and that we would not be friends. The hardest part was letting go. But I also said that as our R is done and finished, anything new would be the basis of a new R if and when that would happen.
Early on I did things with WW and my S2 as I wanted my family together. But this was causing internal pain because I was expecting the outcome of reconciliation at some point. While this is the end goal to never give up hope, I began looking at the reality of the situation that it may not happen for a while.
I wish I could give you valuable advice on your S, but unfortunately I don't have the knowledge or experience others on this board have. All I can do is share my situation and what has worked / hasn't worked in my case. Hang in there friend as the only real thing I can say that helps over a period of time is the focus on yourself and your kids. Your W will be on her journey, but looking after yourself truly does help with PMA in time.
M: 33 W: 30 T: 14 M: 9 S2 BD: May/2015 (w moves into spare bedroom one week later) EA / PA (discovered): June/2015 W moves out (living with OM): Sep/2015
I think my DB feelings would change if I knew there was OM. I think it would be easier to detach. It would be easier to live a separate life. I was separating my self from her life during a point when she was going out drinking with her EA, my gay male neighbor.
Those visits have stopped, they still message each other but there are no more visits as he doesn't drink wine anymore (that's his reason he told my W)
I can see a change in my W, she is home more and more plugged into the family. My hope is high right now.
I want to take it slow as I still DB, see how things are after her work conference and the next weekend, she will be part of a wedding party. If going to a wedding doesn't influence her I don't know what would.
In the mean time I focus on me and my kids.
Sometimes I wonder what am I fighting for, physically she is loosing her luster and what I loved about her on the inside, well I never really see that anymore. Not to mention all the controlling manipulation that I now realize she was doing.
I don't want that, its what you said about a new relationship, I want a better one, if its with my W then its going to have to be different. I also want to fight for my kids to have us together , to give it a real try. I want to fight for me. Fight to make my needs and dreams relevant in my life again.
Me late 30's W mid 30's T 15, M 10 S4, S7 ILYBNILWY June 2015 In house S July 2015 W rings off Oct 2015 My ring off Feb 2015 Separate houses June 2016
