Answer to: "why didn't you hear it from ME?"

[Flight]

Having a little trouble with knowing how to handle situations where I still get a little blindsided by spew. Could use advice about the appropriate response to the following. Most are re-writing of history, exaggerations, or things from the past. Do I just validate? I know I don't want to argue, but wonder if some of them require something else to make her think or to say a version of "that's not true".

• "We are too different"
• "We don't enjoy the same things"
• "You never loved me"
• "You never wanted the baby when I got pregnant"
• "What about all the holidays you ruined and I had to smile through my tears for the kids"
• "you were trying to meet women online years ago"
• "you poisoned our sex life"
• "I was just faking it to try and save my marriage"
• "I cried myself to sleep most nights" (but never told me)
• "It was 11 years of hell"
• "anything bad I did was just a reaction to you"
• "you are not taking responsibility that YOU destroyed our marriage, not the affair"
• "You still haven't changed"
• "Just ask my friend. She can tell you how many years I have wanted a divorce"
• "I fell in love the the person you sold yourself to me as. You are not that person. You don't understand women"
• "I am the real victim here. Just look at how you reacted to my supposed affair by snooping, telling people, etc."