Little bit of an update… not much just wanted to put some things out there.
Weekend went well, Friday night W and S were going to Legoland for the Brick-or-Treat thing … I thought it was good as W has really been working on her R with S, and this was a good thing for them to do. About mid-day W asks if I can skip my gig and join them. Old M stuff, I would be so tired from working the gigs that these types of things I missed … I told her it was to late of a notice, BUT I could join them and just leave about an hour early. I met at the school for parent teacher conference (S is doing VERY well btw … 9 out of 13 Outstandings) Then we met up at Legoland and had a great time, again revisting the issues W has with stress, having me along during these things carrying the backpack, going on the rides with S allows her to enjoy the night rather than stress about how she feels and letting him down when he wants to ride something.
So a few things … Saturday we had a bit of a talk, I mentioned something in jest about sex … something that she brought up which got into a discussion where she shared I deserve better, why am I there, basically a “I am no good and you should be with someone who makes you happy” type talk. Again brought up the attraction issue to which I was not really happy being reminded of … then I hit her with my own truth dart of how she sends mixed signals, like she wants me to stay in a certain spot …. Teases me to come out only to shoot me down and how frustrating that is for me. I then started to agree with her, and how I was not OK with this set up and point blank asked her what she wanted as I have no clue anymore. She pointed out that she wants family, how that feels right … but as far as here and I go she is not sure because she also wants independence, I reassured her I did not want to take either away from her but I am not going to be put in a ‘husband with no benefits’ program. I said if we are going to slowly try to work out these things I could try and be patient but I have grown pretty weary over the past several years, Things were pretty calm throughout…. she even pointed out how we have been getting along much better, was not a “I’ll stick by you no matter what” type reply from me but more of the … we have some things to work out and it will take some time. She did mention how we used to be best friends and we lost that, I agreed and said maybe we start working on that a bit more. Later on in the day she cam out of the shower in a towel and I flirted a bit .. she brought up the ‘friends’ thing … I quickly reminded her I am a man, her husband .. and she would never prance around like that in front of her ‘friend’ and pointed out how again .. mixed signals from her make me feel manipulated .. this seemed to be a lightbulb moment for her.
Sunday … another thing happened. S had a ball game that we went to separately as W grabbed the team snacks … after the game we met up at the grocery store as has been our typical routine. W sought me out kind of flustered that she had ran into someone who knew her, hugged her and al that … W faked her way through it but was visibly shake and had NO idea who this woman was. To say her memory has been bad would be an understatement… but she always at the least knew where she knew someone from. Later that night … like 4 hours later it hit her. This woman was one of her IC’s last year … during the nasty MLC phase. Its hard sometimes knowing all I do about this, having to sit there like Sylvester with Tweety in his mouth … just STFU and listening to her.
Lately I have been doing my own thing .. I have a nice run all mapped out that I have been doing for about a month, its brutal but my times have been consistently increasing, aslo started the 30day Ab challenge on the 1st that I have been sticking to. My team made playoffs in softall and we play for all the marbles Thursday .. looking forward to that. I have also been getting my financials in order … a bit of breathing room as long as I stick to the budget. W and I went over all the bills over the past few months … usually a fight ready to happen, turns out she owed me money … so that actually was a relief, not so much her owing me but the fact she agreed to it, even questioned why I had the Movie expenses down for us to split and I pointed out how she had similar outings down … my reply “Dutch is Dutch” (her words) which she laughed as she walked away.
So … I keep plugging, trying to just focus on me and let her bake continue on its own without my help
