Wow, mind is blown 9

[asitis]

As, it sounds like you and I are about on the same page, who, what, where, when, how will we know it's the time? The truth is neither one of us know! A lot of what you said above does resonate with what I am struggling with also.

I doubt also that my sister is thinking a fling. She wouldn't have mentioned it if it wasn't somebody she genuinely thinks would make me a good companion. She knows how much I have been through already and wouldnt set me up to end up liking somebody that isn't looking for that.

I'm going to say something that nobody but my sister has ever heard. There was a night in febuary, my phone just wouldn't stop ringing. It was sis, over and over. I finally answered it and she immediately asked what was wrong. I lost it. Nobody in this world knew what I was about to do. She sensed it. She talked to me until she got to my house and personally took the pistol from my hand. I don't know how to ever repay her for that... I felt like my life was over, but I was wrong. It was just that life as I knew it was gone.

I had lost my uncle. My best friends home burned down (they made it out but it brought out some old skeletons from my closet. Lost 11 friends in a fire back in high school. A party I was supposed to be at). Then I lost my family. All within 3 months. It was tough!

I spent countless nights, hearing about suicide after suicide. Thinking to myself how could it ever be that bad? Why take the easy way out? Why transfer the pain to your family? Well I found out, I almost because a statistic.

That was very powerful and I appreciate you sharing it. I think you have an answer to your question of how you ever repay your sister though. You are doing that already. You have dug yourself out of that pit and are showing that same courage that disclosing this took to look inside and take responsibility for you. I'd bet bit money that she is very proud of what you are accomplishing and feels really good about being able to give you that chance.

You have a very brave and wonderful sister!

And, we are in a similar sitch in terms of the kinds of questions we are facing. Following along with your threads over the past several months has made it pretty clear to me that you have some similar sensibilities, and that was why I offered up my own struggles with this questions. I figured it would resonate fairly closely.