Wow, mind is blown 9

[asitis]

Honestly, I have no idea? Earlier on in this circus I call life, I would have definatly jumped at any oppourtunity with XF! If she were to call right now, I would definatly need to think about it for a while and see through the reasons for it.

My take on it all at this point (definatly some mind reading involved but no other way to process this) I think if XF ever had a change of heart, she would do and say all the right things to try to show me how much she wants to be with me. Then after settled back in, things would fall right back into our old R. Same habits, same cycles... She would over pursue and push me into distancing. Then yell because I'm distant. I would try to get "closer" and she push me back again?

And that is why just getting back together is not an option. It is to slowly start being friends and then dating again. Both people acknowledging the roles they played to create dysfunctional dynamics, and a commitment to work to create new dynamics. If either of you is not willing to slow it down and do this, then you are likely right on the outcome.

So, if she approaches, go very slow. You will need to live apart as independent people building independent lives while you see if you can knit an R together. You will likely want to do some couples counseling at some point when things start to look more serious to work on your dynamics and the transition to something more long-term and things like co-habitation. That is down the road. So, don't look at it as we will repeat the same dynamics. You at least are aware of most of these, and will not let you go down that road. Starting over (it won't be a true new romance, but give it as much of that as possible) is the chance to change the dance. It will need both of you to do this, but much of that can come from you and work. She will learn new dynamics just by reacting to the different ways you respond to her. All I'm trying to say is that don't predict it will be a failure before you try.

Now when you move ahead with dating is another question. And when you decide to close the door on XF is still another. Just saying.