Wow, mind is blown 9

[asitis]

I understand the urge and the conflict. I'm missing my W a lot the last couple days. Intimacy, her company, the comfort just having her around brought me, the discussions we had. All of it. I've had a concurrent itch to consider dating.

I have a couple thoughts for you to ponder that I keep coming back to:

1) when I really think about sitting down and being with another woman (say browse one of the online dating sites and look at someone who you find very attractive, then do another one), do you get excited or feel a loss because you really want your XF?

2) let's say this person your sister is trying to introduce you to is a wonderful match. Do you think you are ready to make that work, or would it be better to ask sister to hold off on that until you are more ready?

My suspicion is that like me, you will still have too much mourning the loss of the X to make a go of it. It is part of being the sensitive LBS who really would move mountains to make their R work. I'll speak for myself, but I suspect it will resonate: we have gotten in touch with our feelings intimately, recognized the consequences of our choices and actions, and while we are lonely and wish for some comfort and companionship, we recognize that we aren't yet ready to bring our new 2.0 selves and all that we learned to someone else.

Now, if your sis is hooking you up because you and her friend are both in need of a little distraction and fun, and you both know that this is a short-term/FWB type of thing, then that changes the calculus. I doubt sis is introducing you for that reason though.

Also on the wondering whether it can be saved/too much damage has been done: I go back and fourth on this. I think the answer is it can work if you both choose to try. Not jump right back into a full-blown committed restoration of your prior R, but just starting from scratch with the insights you both have gained, the ember of love that remains, and the desire to do it right this time. The question is can you let her know that this and not jumping back in whole-hog is what you are open to, and whether she is willing at some point to consider it. None of us know that, especially not you and her right now.

Patience. Patience. Patience. Keep DBing. Grieve the loss and the pain some more. Process that so that either XF or someone else can come into the picture wo/ the extra baggage of you still having to deal with that. It seems like it has been forever and will be forever, but it hasn't really been that long, and before you know it, you will be dating someone (maybe XF).

Now, that's just my perspective on thinking this through in my own case. You have to decide for yourself. And if it is a mistake, you dust off and learn from it and go on, just like we all have been trying to do. I also know that it is d*mned hard to do at times. D*mned hard. The last several days have reminded me of this in a big way.

Good luck.