Wow, mind is blown 9

[Uphill]

I don't know if this is good or not but I'm going to put my thoughts onto print.

The past few weeks, I have been doing lots of thinking on this and I'm at a point that I need to get it off my chest. I still have days and things that make me miss XF. But when I have those thoughts they have been shifting from missing her to being repulsed by her (her actions and how she handled things, not her beauty). I get feelings deep down that at this point I may not be able to forgive her for all this hurt? I would have loved another chance with her but I feel the wounds are too deep...

This is where I get really conflicted. My sister and myself are very close. I try not to give her too many details of my sitch, instead I talk to her about everything I feel. The good, bad, ugly. All of it.

Through these past few months she has pretty much kept her thoughts to herself and just listened to me and gave me an actual person to vent to at times. She came to me about a week ago and said she has a friend from work who would like to meet me.

I am really tore up inside as to what I want to do? If I say yes to meeting this woman, I just have a feeling that will be when XF wants to "talk". If I say not right now, I could end up in this state of mind forever? If I keep pushing things off I may miss the opportunity of a lifetime? Or if I take a chance, I may also miss that chance of a lifetime with XF?

I know if it doesn't feel right I could just back off and explain that it isn't gonna work, but if I don't try how do I know it won't be great...

Crazy talk but had to get it out.