Still Struggling with a plan!

[25yearsmlc]

I was feeling pretty sick to my stomach yesterday but in my head, things are still going round & round.

I talked to him about it last night & he told me he was sure it was work related, probably in regards to scheduling ... but he couldn't remember exactly what it was. He said she was probably asking him about the schedule but then I told him that couldn't be it b/c he texted her first, she replied an hour later, then he proceeded to text her 6 more times throughout the day.

I just cannot figure out a way that it makes sense in my head. Even if they were seeing each other again, why would they text only one day. And why would she only respond once? Their regular communication method was not working? How could that even be... I cannot even think of a situation where they would need to text just one day.

So then if it is work related... why would he text her while he is at work? Wouldn't he just go & ask her his question if it was work related? Or if she was off, why wouldn't he call her from his desk phone to ask a staffing question? And if he was asking her about staffing... why would he continue to text through the remainder of the day w/o her responding?

I just cannot even figure it out & I figure I am not going to. And I don't think i am going to get the truth from him, for whatever reason. I think I need to drop it but it is difficult to get out of my head.

The answer is there^^^^, i.e., to drop it, "But it is difficult" and so you want to keep chewing on it.

You already asked him about it - and he said it was insignificant.

My question for you is about what you are learning from this & how are you changing?


I'm not letting him "off the hook" for the A, (although at some point you must - or end the marriage).


You said you wanted to forgive him and move past this -but my fear is that HE will Not believe YOU can do that...if you keep repeating the same old...

So In the past-

has you feeling fearful or resentful helped your marriage?

Has repeatedly asking him about the same thing, over and over again, been something that improves the relationship?

You did "confront" him and he denies an affair.

Sure he MAY be lying....but if he's not, then what you are doing is literally making you sick

and not helping the marriage.

Maybe he is working out the total removal of OW in his world, and maybe that takes more time

but unless you fear that he's secretly making plans to leave you - and won't tell you until 2 minutes before you get served (NOT LIKELY btw)

and if so, then that is on HIM and neither of you will be able to say that YOU drove him away

then isn't it better to put the focus back on YOU and rebuilding the relationship?

I mean, literally, How could that^^ hurt?