So i was going through my closet and i found a notepad that belonged to my wife. I just started reading it and came across 4 pages of her witting about our recent problems. She was writing a log of what i was messing up in. The logs were basically paragraphs on how I was a bad father. How i never spend time with my girls when i would come from work. She wrote about several scenarios where I just didnt pay attention to my daughters.(shameful). She described how one time we went to a park and she brought clothes for me in order to change and play in the water with the girls , i didnt and just stood there. How when i come from work i go straight to the couch. How i dont have initiative to even plan anything for the girls , but i have initiative to plan with my friends. how i only go in their room to play once or twice a month.etc etc. It was painful to read this but basically it's true. It's shame what i have become. I cant believe i was so blind and never did anything about it. Only until they left i got help. I feel terrible i subconsciously was doing the same thing they did to me as a child , making them feel neglected. God I was a bad dad, and i dont blame her for leaving me. I didnt deserve them. Now that i got help from my counselor I can see the damage i did and how my past affected me and my daughters and my wife. Why was i so blind !!! ? Now my family is cut in 2. I ruined my marriage to a point of no return. Now i promise to never hurt my daughters ever again.
