V is for Vanilla 24

[Vanilla]

Last couple of days, I have had severe PTSD reactions, including flooding and flashbacks. It's nightmares, it's my reptilian response and I am in survival mode, in constant on position.

I have felt sick, diarrhoea, freezing and dysregulation. I feel like I have been beaten up by Mohammed Ali, hyperalert, intrusive thoughts, insomnia. I feel so numb and miserable. I am afraid, this comes and goes. My doctor says its like shockwaves following an earthquake, I am fractured and unregulated in my emotions. He does say I am very strong emotionally and this would have broken most people. There is a fog and this is happening because I am no longer in combat mode, and this shows I am getting healed. It will take a long time. The memories are embedded and I am very traumatised. It is good that I don't get angry.

I need silence and nature around me. Sleep and rest.

It is my body and mind connecting and this needs managing, I have been meditating, I am going to stop and rest for a little while.

V