WAS or what (3)

[roist]

Just journaling to get out some random thoughts.

I'll start with W, but that will be short. I still have not found my way to live comfortably with the rift that is between us. I am working on me as I'll outline in a minute. I know I need to take my focus off that but living it is not as easy as saying it.

W bought a wallet (possibly for me for anniversary)iit has been on her night table and then on my desk (in a plastic bag) when we slept in my office when we had visitors at the weekend. I won't mindread or assume but it is strange.

There are times when together when it is almost good. She shares funny stuff that happened etc. But overall things seem to have slipped again in the last few months. She spent time with her closest sister two weeks ago and they visited us last weekend.I thought she may have discussed us with her but from talking to sister I am sure she didn't.I did not pry but just my impression from things her sister said and asked me during the visit.

Last week I moved our wedding album off the coffee table where it had sat since she showed kids a few weeks back. It got moved back again. Not important but I found it strange for W to keep it out in open like that, considering........

This morning W seemed to wait for a moment I could not fail to see her putting o ring on wedding finger. She wears a ring a little over half the time when she is out of the house.

I could outline loads of good signs but overall things seem worse. At this stage our bed has two distinct imprints in the mattress. That says a lot .

I have also started a lot of work on me:
# I have reviewed previous goals and will carry forward revise or renew as required.
# I have started listening to a "reach your full potential"cd in the car.
# I am also over half way through a pma book.
# I have taken steps towards looking for more work for my business and also started the process of job hunting
# tonight W has a meeting so I hope to finish my plan for creating roiste 2.0. I already have my aims and need to put in place my action plan and goals.
# I was better focused at work but I just spent an hour on this site. I need to avoid doing that too often
# I intend to relook at the Q is she worth it. It merits attention and should not negate the Q am I worth it. The LBS has to put up with a lot for a long time.
# I have gone back to DR and am in conflict as to my best path to follow.DDetach, GAL, focus on me and give space are fundamental to both paths. DR recommends working on R, taking actions and evaluate.My recent evaluation tells me I need to change my approach. Either I go down the unconditional love (with boundaries) and really try rebuild R with love.Or I leave R alone, move forward completely and leave the rest to destiny ( which it is anyway I guess).
# Z made a good point about avoiding unilateral decisions and thinking. That is great in theory but either my comm skills are not adequate or W is nit ready, but I am not sure how to achieve that. Even talking about current financial situation does not seem open. We exchange thoughts or facts but don't seem to really discuss. Any sugestions?

Got to go. Love to hear any thoughts.