No need to correct typos I knew what you where saying!
Its human nature to let emotions drive us I think. But you are right, letting them take over especially in situations like ours is very unhealthy.
I am only seeing the positives or at least consistently reminding myself not to be negative and it helps so much because it becomes a habit.
People keep telling my I am crazy. That they would be going insane in my situation. That they wouldn't leave the house. That they wouldn't be able to function. And its just amazing to me that they would let something like that shut them down, and not take the chance to truly learn some amazing things about themselves and life in general.
I have met and had more meaningful conversations with more people in the past month than I did in about 4 years. So if anything, this whole situation has helped break me out of the shell of ''comfort'' I lived in with my wife.
I don't know why I was so miserable with her! I really was unhappy with life, with myself mostly. And she couldn't stand to be around that person. I had given up on life, I was only ever the ''rational'' one. I had a negative outlook on everything! It was awful. No one wanted to be around me. And she stuck around for 8 years! Thats the love she had for me, she watched me self destruct for 8 years, tried so many times to break me out of that for 8 years!
I cant blame her for leaving. I cant be angry. I don't know If I could take watching someone I love get so unhappy and feel like there was nothing I could to snap them out of it. For that long. I am not trying to justify it, but oh I feel like I understand.
She thought I didn't love her! But what was really going on was I didn't love myself, so I couldn't show her the love I had. Because it couldn't break through the self hatred that I harbored.
I am learning to love who I am. To not left fear of being let down or of rejection or failure control my life. Because when you love yourself, you can truly show others And I think that is the greatest lesson this place is trying to teach. I think that's honestly one of the greatest lesson life has to teach.
Oh boy I wrote a lot! Ill stop the rant now I wish you the best of luck angel! Have hope for YOU.
M: 29 W: 28 D: 8 S:1 M: 10 T: 11 BD1: 8//15 (physically separate) Back together: 4/16 BD2: 3/18, physically separate 6/18) Here we are again.
I knew what you where saying!