Which one, V? The night I went bonkers the whole thing was recorded by the officers on the scene, too.
I have no memory of it, so can't argue one way or the other. I clearly "lost it". I've been working hard to understand how it happened and beginning to forgive myself. I've made good progress on it. What can I do? It happened. I learned. Now, I'm recovering.
If WH is recording me now, I'm being careful in what I say. Unlike H, I am not confused. He is starting to suspect me, though. I didn't record today's conversation because of that. I've got a new device coming tomorrow that he shouldn't even notice.
I think my point tonight is that I finally realize the futility of arguing with a WH. Any logic, any differing opinion...doesn't matter. All roads lead to H being a victim.
I'm also really beginning to understand the contempt with which H treats me. So, I'm asking myself, "what exactly are you fighting for?" I can't change his mind, get him to see reason, or treat me with respect.
It's time for me to practice what I preach. Focus on myself. Stop fighting the D. Let H go.
I'm not crying tonight. I feel sad, resigned...but not depressed. Just ready to move on...well, get out of his way is more like it. It seems out of H's sight is the safest place for me.
