You are riding an emotional roller coaster. And yet you continue to let your emotions drive your decisions and your actions. Feel good? Lawyer up and act strong. Feel poorly? Send a needy, judgmental text to W. Feel lonely? Send a message to OM.
There's no CONSISTENCY. You're flying by the seat of your pants and do everything based on your feelings.
We are ALL telling you the same thing. I hope at some point you will actually try DOING it.