I dont believe she will come back next week or next month. Yes i still sound the same but i do feel different. I know it will take months to really change. But what i am asking is if i did wrong by telling her to take me to court to settle this, instead of just giving in to her demands and signing her agreement. Did i do wrong? It's been 7 long weeks. But one thing ive always been strong in life is patience. I know my patience will help me. In the other hand , patience is her weakness.
Dude, you are going to run out of feet to shoot yourself in. I can just imagine you telling her off about the divorce. Any F words flying?
You need a cooooooooooooooooooool head. That is why you have to detach. I get the impression that you use any interaction with your W to show her what a dick you can be.
Do not get into debates with her, esp. not heated ones. You need a cool head on your shoulders. Just politely say to her, that you hear her request, but you do not believe in divorce.
I am not familiar wit the laws in your state but, usually you can go the distance without the lawyers too much involved if both parties agree on the most important bits (children, spousal support, alimony and division of property). DO GET PERTINENT LEGAL INFORMATION ASAP, ESP. WITH REGARDS TO YOUR DAUGHTERS.
Don't be a dick, but do not let her railroad you either.
no , not at all vapo. I would and never have cursed at her. I understand i can still be a dick. But I just told her this " I dont believe in divorce, but i am not stopping you from getting the divorce but you will have to take me to court. Right now you are treating me like a disposable object and just throwing me to the trash. Again i am not stopping you with your divorce, but i dont trust you now. since you took my girls away for 7 weeks and i still havent seen them". Am i being uncivilized because im not giving in to her request like Ive always had.?
Angel are you reading any other threads on here? I would recommend that if you aren't.
Read the advice other people are getting from the vets and see if there's a common thread you can apply to your own situation. Not the specifics, but themes.
"I don't believe in divorce, but I won't stand in your way" would have sufficed. Ask yourself why you felt the need to tell her that she's treating you like a disposable object and throwing you in the trash. Why did you need to tell her you don't trust her? Why did you need to tell her she took your girls away for 7 weeks?
Why do you care if we think you're being uncivilized?
Can you see through some of this? Even in your posts it looks like you're asking us for to validate what you've done.
There is a theme to the advice you're getting on here. Focus on you. Stop focusing on your W. Every time you post about her and what she's done to you, we know you're still stuck in the same place despite how much change you say you've made.
This is a LONG process Angel. LONG. Months if not years. No one makes change as quickly as you think you have. I didn't, nor has anyone else on here. We might think we have, and we might have made the start of change, but change takes time, and then it takes tests, and then it takes more time.
When you get to the place where you WANT to say to her "I don't believe in divorce but I won't stand in your way" and that's ALL you want to say to her because you know the rest is just projection, manipulation, and other garbage, then you've started to make real change.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Ok the other part was unacceptable , i should have just kept that to myself. yes it does come out as manipulation. I am just asking if i did right by telling her to take me to court? What would have you guys done? Would you guys just agree to her conditions and just sign the divorce and be done with it? I do read other threads almost every day. I am getting my books this weekend. I still have a lot to work as i keep reading everyones comments
I am fighting for my girls azzork. Thats why i got myself a L. Her plan was to make me sign her agreement take to court and then i would be able to see my daughters. I dont know her plan, again i dont trust her. So my best decision was to get a L and not give in to her decison, and also i can bring up her way of disciple which is not the best for my daughters. I dont want my daughters to be physiologically and emotionally abused , hold back emotion because crying is bad.Thats how she was raised , and she is one of the hardest cold heart person, I dont want my daughters like that. I am being patient , i will see them soon, and i cant wait for that moment.
As others have said. It is often far wiser to STFU and do the right thing, instead of running your mouth. And it is not importnant ONLY what you say, but also how you say it. DELIVERY MATTERS.
Again, what others have said. Don't go into mind reading. You do not know how she feels, so stop putting words in her mouth and esp. stop telling her how SHE feels. Also she DOES NOT GIVE A RAT'S ASS HOW YOU FEEL. And it is not to be taken personal, although it can piss even a level headed guy of (let alone you).
So, to get back to the matter at hand. Just CALMLY (!!!) say to her, that D is not you choice, you do not believe in D, but if that is what she wants, you will not fight her, but you will not help her either. AND LEAVE IT AT THAT.
ZIPP IT! STFU! Not another word about the matter. You have to focus on you AND the kids. Kids matter!!! You can't mess with their young minds, and she cannot either. Jesus, at 26 one would expect some sanity...
man im so lost , i feel like ive done everything wrong , everyone keeps telling im shooting myself in my foot. Im actually scared , ive made it worst now. Why do i let my emotions drive me.
You are riding an emotional roller coaster. And yet you continue to let your emotions drive your decisions and your actions. Feel good? Lawyer up and act strong. Feel poorly? Send a needy, judgmental text to W. Feel lonely? Send a message to OM.
There's no CONSISTENCY. You're flying by the seat of your pants and do everything based on your feelings.
We are ALL telling you the same thing. I hope at some point you will actually try DOING it.
