Nor do I want her to fill my needs due to guilt or a fear of losing me/the family.
But the risk of losing you is real. At some point you need to make this clear to your wife. She deserves to know before it’s too late! I'm not saying that you're there yet, because only you will know. But it shouldn't be kept it a secret until you are Triple Done, is all I'm saying.
Then, if she ups her game at meeting your needs, no matter the reason, it will help give you the patience you need to get to where you want to be.
Like yours, my wife is still baking. As you are aware she also is not attracted to me in that sexual way. When I made it clear back in June just how serious the situation was for me, and that I didn’t know how much longer I could go without, she stepped up, and is doing what she can.
In SSM Michele explains this is a gift that we should accept. It's our spouse trying, doing their best.
No, things aren’t quite where I’d like them to be, but I trust we will get there if I don’t give up. Accepting what my wife can give is keeping us going, and allowing time for her perspective on everything to change.
Like you, if I look back I can see changes for the better. This too can keep you going, but only so long if your needs aren't being met.
What’s your other option? You already know divorce is painful and disrupts entire lives… and starting over, attractive as it can appear when we are unhappy, is a crapshoot.
Yes, you need to give her more time to figure her stuff out. I can tell you first hand that getting a little action (yeah, I said it! ) will make it much easier for you to do that.
I'm pulling for you guys, Cali.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
) will make it much easier for you to do that. 
