Time to let go ....How (4)

[otw]

Oh boy, where to begin.

Updating since last time. So took kids to amusement park friday. W TM a few times asking if we got there ok. I replied and told her i would send her some pictures of the kids. We had a blast, they were talking about this for 2 months and all the bravery they had disappeared when the people dressed up started showing up at night! It is ok they were ready to go at thatp point anyway. Went home and got everyone situated for bed. W was out with friend. I woke up around 3 am and she was not home. Even through all of in house separation this never happened. I know i prob shouldnt have but i called to check on her and make sure she was ok. No answer. Waited 15 mintues and called again as now i was kind of concerned. She answered and said she was almost hom and made some excuse about friend getting left and having to drive and she was almost home. I am not sure i believe her, but oh well at this point.

Saturday, i had to go and start doing some errands and looking at some furniture for the house after she leaves then get ready for trick or treating. I finally decided i needed to send the Separation agreement that L gave back to me. To remind you, when i first contacted L they ran some numbers for support for me and i gave them to W. She had those numbers entered into her separation agreement. Well when L reviewed the doc she ran the numbers again due to a change and realized the alimony did not transfer to the child support page and when she fixed it lowered the overall number a decent amount.

I had been a little worried about the reaction to be honest. She came home after me that day and then saw it when she came home. She was not happy. She started yelling and slamming doors. Saying we can just go to the f*&$%*@ courts. I prob should have let her be, but i figured we needed to have this talk either way. I approached her and began to explain why the difference. She was not really listening to reason and was not hearing me. Told me she has made financial decisions based on that money etc...I used this time to tell heri undertand and validated a bit, but i also told her that this was her decision and i can not afford myself to pay more than the state will tell me to pay. She kept thinking she will get something different if she gets a L involved. I calmly told her that is fine and she should have it looked at.

I used this time to make sure she knew that i am not trying to cheat anyone and I am still very concerned about making sure her and the kids are taken care of. She began to tell me that she will nto be able to make it financially with the amount i am telling her. I calmly told her that i ran the numbers in my head from the other amount and wasnt sure how she would make it on that either with the choices she has made with bills.

This went on for a little bit and was left with me assuming she will be contacting a L to deal with things. The big part of all of this is this is the first time i have seen her cry about anything since BD. I ma not sure if it because she was mad or feeling the reality of the situation.

We had to let go of this and put game face on for Halloween as we had people coming over, her divorce3d friend and kids and my mother. I had bought some food to put out for everyone and needed to get it done.

So friend shows up with two kids and her mother and her new boyfriend. My mother came then we had another couple that we are friends with show up with their son as well. OUr neighborhood is a good area for the kids. I made sure to push all of this out of my head and make the day about the kids. I was carrying friends little girl for her and taking the kids up to all of the doors and having fun. We wrapped up the evening and everyone left. I got the kids ready for bed then i left them for W to handle as i decided to go meet some friends for a while. I figured some time away would probably be a good thing at the moment.

So Sunday comes and this is supposed to be the official move out day. I had grocery shopping and house shopping to do, took S4 with me and was gone all day. Heading home and she TM that D7 is at neighbors playing and she was over at her house getting things done. I took this as ok, she is moved out. Got home and did some stuff and cooked dinner for me and kids. D7 called W and she said she was coming by for a little bit. She came over as we were finishing dinner. I told her there was plenty left for her if she wanted some. She ate and then hung out for a little while. Watched ipad with D7. I was getting them bathed and ready for the week. I asked W if she wanted to bathe D7 and she said yes. I always do this.

Got everything done and she got ready to leave. She was hugging the kids and saying good bye. I opened the door for her and wanted to give her a hug so badly. I didnt. We did have a moment just looking at each other in the eyes. She left.
Pretty emotional time for me but i had to be strong for the kids.
Got a TM from her around 845 asking if the kids were still awake. She know they are normally in bed at that point. S4 was asleep but D7 was awake. I let D facetime with her for a few minutes. I did not really communicate with her yesterday at all.

So that is my long weekend. Kids are with me for next two days, then go to her. That will be very hard when the house is empty. I thought i was prepared for this moment but the reality is hard. Looking at an empty closet or where all of her things used to be. D7 kept telling her to just decide to move back, that is hard.

Me.. I am ok i guess. As i said emotional time and i know i will be this way for a few days, but i have a lot to do and will get busy soon. Just going to need the next few days getting used to doing everything and running around like crazy handling kids when i would normally be working and tey were with W.

I thought i was getting to a point where i was ok, but this made realize i still love her and miss her alot.