My question is my wife left in July saying she wanted a divorce. Then she started seeing this guy. Is that an affair? Or is this something that most likely won't last
So me and my wife took my son trick or treating. It went great them she wanted to go out to eat. We sat down ordered drinks then she gets a text from the OM and I can see it clear as day on the table. It clearly upset me and I was unable to hide it cuz she knows me. She got kissed off and took the food to go. Sh left as soon as we got home. I think that took us back to square one. Just hard to see OM texting her.
She came over the next day. The first thing she said was maybe we shouldnt hang out anymore. I recognized I had messed up the day before and that my actions didn't work. By the end of the day I feel we were back on track and that me slipping up the day before had been replaced with positive memories and I don't think I went back to square one. The night before I was worried I might have pushed her away for good. But I developed a plan and implemented it the next day. We seem to be improving our relationship.
I think some attraction is developing toward me. Idk her feelings on the OM. I know she is embarrased by it and says a lot that she doesn't want to talk about her situation to anyone including her family. She says they ask her what she's going to do. She says that she don't want to think or talk about it right now. She left in July and still hasn't got her own place. Keeps saying she is but she has "been too busy". My worry is the OM possibly moving in with her. Don't want someone else around our S. I am being fully supportive of her move into her own place. The D had been filed but we agreed to pull months ago for financial reasons. Now she still says she not going to put it in and we have no plans to. Even though she still looks at us as we are "in a divorce".
I am noticing that some strategies work and others don't. When I am "cold and detached" on the weekends she thinks it is the old me coming back. She reacts way better to the nice bubbly outgoing supportive me. She had bought me gifts last Saturday and I refused them which she did not take well. Slowly but surely I feel confident I can earn her trust back and get to a point where she wants to work on our family. Reading DR and coming here gives me hope that with patience and hard work I can get her back. I am in no rush and will continue to work daily to fix myself and gal.
What does being "cold" have to do with being "detached"? Has someone here advised you to be cold?
Honestly, it sounds like through your actions, she can live the best of both workds. She gets OM and you're still hanging on her every word. You can't BEAT OM. The way I see it, the only way she will consider you right now is if OM ends it with her and she comes back to you. Is that ok for you?
I agree with Az, if she has OM, then you need to cut her off. Be polite but do not do the things a H will do with her. I know you think you can outdo him and win her back, but not true. Just be a consistent solid person, but make sure she knows that if there is OM involved then you are not.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
We have been doing things with our son on the weekends. When she got a text from the OM it clearly upset me. She grew cold and wouldn't say a thing anymore. So I need to be nice but distance myself from her. No hanging out?
You can do things together at kids activities, but you are letting her cake eat by doing family things. She needs to feel the guilt for what she did to the family.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
So on the weekends she comes over to see my son. She spends the night and She initiates all the spending time together. Maybe every other weekend we do something with my son but other times I should go out and stay away. Just so hard when the person you love asks to spend time together.
I know it is hard, but she has replaced you with another man! You are showing her weakness doing this. Yes spending some time together for the kids is fine, but what are you hoping comes from this?
I think you need to not be so available. Maybe decline doing some of the things. So her you are moving forward with your life as well and will not be a back up plan. You can still be involved in some things to show her the new person you are becoming and show strength.
Read the detaching rules and thread. It will not be something you can just all of the sudden decide. you have to take the steps putting yourself first and then it will just start happening.
M 37 W 34
T 12 M 8 D 7 S 4
Need break 4/12/15 W no ring 7/7/15
Separate room 4/12/15 Separate living suggested 8/15 W moved out 11/1/15
