Went out with a bunch of friends and friends of friends. I looked great (but not in a desperate, attention seeking way) Great thing for my ego was that I did get a lot of male attention. I have to admit, it felt really good, although I am very aware of my vulnerabilities. Now I didn't do anything to "cheapen" myself, but I couldn't help but think of things a little more positively....this could be fun. I can have no guilt, because my husband left me. I really haven't experienced that type of attention from my husband in a long time. It would be so nice, and I know would help me detach from him. That male attention also gave me hope for the future. I know I'm not supposed to need that to feel good, but I will be honest I did. (Although I certainly did not show it). I really need to make an effort to get out more, because today I didn't have anger at my husband. I was a little more empathetic and looking forward to what the future might bring. Although I am dreading the legal and paperwork aspect.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Julie, that male attention sure does feel good, doesn't it? I am glad you are getting out and getting some attention, everyone needs that.
If my H files for D I would have absolutely no guilt hopping into bed with my ex-bf (I feel like he is a safe bet because he is a known entity and I would not fall in love). The part where I do feel guilt is that I have already confirmed with my ex that that would be an option. (hey it was a weak moment.)
I wish there was a "girl talk" section on this board because I have been shopping for new clothes and I am looking at things I normally would not wear, could use a girlfriend to bounce ideas off. I am suddenly drawn to dresses and heels and that is so not practical for my lifestyle, yet I have this strong urge to up my game.
I hope you are out now having a peaceful day, hang in there, you are doing great, you seem more content and "ok" based on your last post.
Photoka, "girl talk" section would be great! The shopping has been the main highlight and I have the excuse that all my clothes are too big.! It's awesome running into people from high school and being the same size! I'm now highly motivated to really get intensive at the gym and start wearing sexier clothes. I would love to find a long sleeve sweater dress that's very form fitting and wear it with boots. I recognize the irony because husband would always tell me how I should dress up more, that I have a great figure and need to show off and I always felt insecure because I wasn't high school weight. But my guilt is Non existent because I used to beg him to take us on vacations and he would always say we couldn't afford it, but now he's off on vacation supposedly with friends. Today I just don't care what he's doing. He has been so awful to me and doesn't want to try. Yes I was pretty awful as well, but I was willing to try. I have been told "consider this his gift" or "this is your out". By some close friends and family that have seen how selfish he was with me and kids. I worry about future, but honestly we were pretty down for a long time, so husband was trying to make change the only way he felt was possible. He didn't think it was possible for us to be happy together. I think it would have been hard, but possible if we moved out of my family's house. He didn't want to. So in a way, it's easier not being the one to have to make this decision.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Julie, I was just looking at a cute red sweater cable knit dress on eBay and I didn't bid on it because where would I wear it? Also my legs are very pale but I guess I could wear it with tights and boots. Hmmmm.....maybe I will rethink it. Right after BD I lost 25 lbs and was only 5 lbs away from my 20 year old pre-kids weight. I have slowly added a few of those back, need to watch it because it feels good to be thin. I am 46 though, I don't think my body is meant to be the same weight as it was when I was 20. But I agree it is so much fun to shop now.
My goal for November will be to lose 5 lbs and then maintain that and go all out with a new wardrobe. I don't know how old you are Julie, but once I hit my 40's the weight just appeared. I donated most of my pre-BD clothes so I can't go back!
I guess I am starting to think that I have no control of this situation so I can just kind of make the best of what I do have control over. Life is too short to sit around and be miserable and pine for someone who doesnt want to be with you. He has certainly not been husband of the year, so I would be waiting around for someone that's behaviors have been pretty self serving. I always thought that being the loyal "good girl" would be appreciated, but clearly it was not. I know I'm being stereotypical but Men chase after what they are physically attracted to and need to be challenged. I was too honest about my insecurities with my husband. Then the more I tried to make him happy and meet his needs, the more selfish and demanding he became. He had no respect for me. Let him see what's really out there. Don't want to sound conceited, but I actually have a lot going for me. He forgot about that stuff because I let him. I always downplayed my accomplishments and myself so that others would feel good. when I got comfortable with husband I focused on all the things wrong with me because my job was to make everyone feel good and make sure I come across as sweet and humble and like able. I am trying to change my thought processes now. Big thing for me will be asserting myself better instead of being " wishy washy" and then Vanillas brilliant term "screaming banshee"
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Photoka, wasn't honest about logistics, regarding age have a little bit of time before 40 but I agree, the thinness feels good physically and mentally. In my case I think that it's really the sleep deprivation that contributes to weight gain. At this point I really can't lose any more weight or it won't look good but building up some more muscle is my goal.
Funny thing is I was getting jealous of all the girls I work with and my friends that have a little extra weight, thinking "sigh...they must be really happy"
Red cable knit sweater dress sounds nice! Wear it out for drinks! Love the high boots as well. Then you don't have to worry about pale legs (that's me too!). I'm on a quest to find one for remaining fall season to wear on my next night out. Gonna check Nordstrom and victoria secret websites later (although with VS sometimes the quality of the clothes is weird) I also love the look of wrap around dresses! But feel the sweater quality makes it more casual? (Yay! I feel like I'm in my early 20s having discussions like this!)
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Julie, I shop consignment shops and thrift stores, I am a bargain hunter. I find nice brands like BCBG and Jones NY and Ralph Lauren and pay about $10 a dress, and sometimes they even still have the tags attached. I am going to splurge on boots though, not buying them second hand. My H is going to be on 100% travel for 6 months so he won't even see me, but I don't care, I am dressing up anyway.
Photoka, I only try to buy on sale, but I have never been able to find 10 dollar name brand dresses. Great finds! And I agree dress up and flaunt.
I have a feeling that once us LBS truly don't care anymore, they end up wanting to try and work it out. Hell, I bet i could do a better MLC then he can anyway! (Just joking...I could never neglect kids)
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
Julie I have a secret fantasy that H will come back to me, we will be happy for the next 10 years and then once all of my kids are out of the house I am going to break his heart. Of course I would not do that, but it is an interesting fantasy. And I have learned from this forum that even grown children are affected by their parents problems, so I guess I am stuck with the fantasy, at least until my reality improves.
H's MLC is no fun at all- consists mostly of him sleeping a lot, working too much, and crying to his parents and even to ow about his terrible life. If I was going to blow it all up I'd at least be having a great time. I am glad that he isn't having fun though, don't get me wrong! I think if he was I'd D him and move on, but I see how much he is suffering.
