Thanks Sotto. I do gal activities, see ic, and try to be the best dad possible. I have tried to help people wherever I can. I am far from perfect, but I believe someone only a fool would leave is within my grasp.
As far as living just for me... I am tied up financially with that. My plan for building a house for the boys and myself is very much on hold until D is final. I guess I can look for a piece of land and draft myself some prints. But then I am stuck until I get money.
I know I am not detached, I am better than when I got here though. I feel somewhat stronger, but when I am around her, my indifference melts. I am still crazy about her, especially this weekend when everything seemed normal until time to go. I heard her use the term us a couple times. That's new.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Getting ready for baseball. I'm kinda excited to see W again. Every good day is a step closer, right? Anyway, boys played great yesterday and I think they have a great shot at a trophy.
I will not have any r talk, or pressure. Even though I really want to! I have to just remember to sit down and shut up, as long as I can
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
S8 baseball team didn't play well today, and we're knocked out of the tourney. So, I only spent an hour and a half with my family. W said "I'm going to sit here, like yesterday". I grabbed a chair and moved to the other side of the bleachers, where I could see better. W followed me a couple minutes later. Pursuit? Anyway, we watched the game and had a decent time even though the boys lost. I gave her some cold pills, because we all seem to have that now. Told me about her gma going to Florida this winter.
I think, may be wrong, but I think that I may be making progress. About an hour after the game W texted the boys week schedule. All business there.
I am trying to decide what the next signs to look for are. Any suggestions on what they might be?
I will stay the course for a week or two, and see what happens. Have to be patient!!!
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Taking the boys for some late trick or treating at my families houses.
Had a good weekend, and hopefully it was productive in our sitch.
Should be busy at work, so the week should go by quickly.
___________________________
So, I think the enemies to me this week are impatience and expectations. They are tied together. We had a good weekend, laughed joked, watched the boys together. So, my hopes are up. Which usually kicks my butt a couple days later. I don't yet know how to control that. Anyone have ideas that work for them? I will keep looking for signs, and try to hold back my enthusiasm. That's tough too.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I'm not sure how persistent the contact is, but it seems to be easier and more enjoyable each time. Yes, Ancaire, I will try to keep focusing on me. I'm going to go talk to a building supply company this Friday and get some ballpark figures together for our "Man Cave". I will have s4 with me, while the other 2 are at school. That should keep me focused somewhat.
As far as sticking to my plan... I'm not even sure what that is now. I was so worried about being just friends, that I guarded myself. I felt so good this weekend when I was with her, I actually made a comment, and then had to correct it because I forgot that we are separated. That felt weird. Plus, I heard W use the word us a couple times. And, since the weekend was nice, it makes me want to ask her to do something together. I would love to go on a date. It will be tough to not ask, but I can do it.
I still haven't heard from her lawyer about a court date. W still hasn't told the boys anything. We are getting along great. She is telling me bye again. And we are doing nice things for each other, small things, but nice.
And then, the other side of me wants to know the outcome, and skip the process. If we are working on us, then great, let's do it! If she still wants to have D, well I can respect it even if I don't agree. But then I can start by buying a truck and start building my own home.
I feel that I am ready for this chapter of my life to be over. Time for a new beginning.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
Had the boys this evening. At pick up, W was telling me a lot about work. And then she started asking about my sister, saying that she has wanted to call her but was scared how it would go. She hasn't talked to my sis since she asked for S. I took the kids trick or treating at my family. Then out to eat. W picked them up and was telling me about being overworked by her boss. She ate some of our take out, and left with the boys. She had a big smile on her face when she got in her car.
I screwed up and called her dear. She didn't seem to be upset or anything. It just felt natural and just came out.
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
