Ok I can answer that. Not from cover to cover. So I have Divorce Busting book. I have been trying to gather as much knowledge thru here. I am guessing I go back and start at chapter 1. So you think there could be still hope even though the divorce will be finalized in 2 weeks? Can you give any personal suggestions. Thank You Bond..James Bond?
You know I had a few issues in my marriage. I was bad with finances. I would not think of the consequences of my actions. I was always running late. So the divorce is the consequence I never really faced before. Found that out in counseling, that I really never faced consequences before. The good. I loved my wife unconditionally. The only time we argued was over the last few months we were together. It was me pushing and pushing her to work on things. I found out that pushing her to do something only made her not work on things. We were always there for each other. Until this, when we seemed to be enemies. Not that I wanted it that way.
So if you can't just accept the fact that my problem was that I was lying to my wife. That's all anyone needs to know. I am protecting my wife by not going into detail.
I understand your point on some level, Bobby.
I do think that its very different, for example, if you broke her trust by having an affair vs. gambling away money vs. loaning money out to friends vs. lying about how much you made or something. Theres lots of different scenarios, and the way that we can give advice will change some based on what the background is.
"Theres lots of different scenarios, and the way that we can give advice will change some based on what the background is."
Exactly.
"Ok I can answer that. Not from cover to cover."
That's why you keep doing the wrong things or don't know what to do.
"So I have Divorce Busting book. I have been trying to gather as much knowledge thru here."
What we are giving you are suggestions just based on our own experiences. The book, however, is based on study and research as to what works. Reading the book fully and understanding the concepts are key.
"So you think there could be still hope even though the divorce will be finalized in 2 weeks?"
Yes. But I also don't appreciate your "either help me or get the h@ll out attitude" when we ask for specifics.
Here's the thing... you practically beg for help, then when we ask for specifics to be able to help, you complain about it. You were getting help from two vets who have been able to save their M's, sandi and myself, and we both asked the same questions from you. Instead, you blew us off.
You say that you don't want to get into details to preserve your W's honor/privacy. Well, she's not going to be your W in about a week. Where has "protecting" her honor gotten you? A quick trip to divorce court.
But that's up to you.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
OK, first things first. If you are here to stop your D from becoming final this week, that will take an actual hand of God miracle to keep that from happening.
There is not a thing that we can say, or advice to give that will make your W "snap out of it" and change her mind and decide to cancel the final settlement meeting tomorrow.
However, if you want to work on a post divorce reconciliation:
You number one mission is to read DB cover to cover.
Number two mission, be open and honest with questions posed to you here. Sure feel free to change things to protect privacy (say you went to a restaurant, instead of the specific name of the place), say you were married in June if it was really December.
Were here to help, but you need to put in some work too.
Me: 43 M: 10y S:15 ILYBINILWY 2/18/13 W moved out 2/18/13 Filed for D: 2/17/13 Got DB: 2/20/13 Got DR: 2/23/13 180 & LRT Began: 2/25/13 D Final Dec '13
Are you pussyfooting around the issue that you might have cheated on her and you just don't want to say it? Is that the "the thing" that broke the trust? I've been there with my wife when she cheated. Here's something important you need to know. If you cheated, she's not going to get over it. When we betrayed spouses tell our waywards that we're over it and we forgive them, we're not being truthful.
If you cheated, she's not going to get over it. When we betrayed spouses tell our waywards that we're over it and we forgive them, we're not being truthful.
Agree to disagree on this. Maybe you arent over it yet.
But I believe through trusting actions over enough time, that I COULD get over it.
