OMG I feel like the MWD police are going to swoop in and shot me off the board today, because everything I want to say is just anti-DB'ing, even though it really really is DB'ing.
I am supposed to say "Dont date!" There, done. Dont mind the real thoughts running around in my head.
Actually, if you do start dating, it will make your life unbelievably more complicated. You may come to a point where you cant R your M because you just dont have it in you to hurt the feelings of your new fling. And that is one step away from being an a new M you dont really want.
That sounded so believable! Probably because it is true. But if I were in your shoes I would not have had the strength. I have no idea how the heck you made it out of there alive.
Wait, I do know how. Love.
OMG your W is so freakin lucky!
Thank you for this. I wish she felt like she is lucky. Your posts always brighten my day Mona, I'm grateful for you stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
And I get it. Don't date is good DB'ing but getting to where you're ready to date because the rope is 10 fee behind you probably is even better DB'ing.
Big hug to you,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
So, as ive posted a few times, I'm starting to brave back out into the dating world. And you know what? I have found that I'm way "better" at it than I expected. I'm a better listener, I'm not over-pursuing, I'm a better empathized, I'm more confident. And so on. I actually FEEL like by going through this that I AM the prize that the woman should fight for.
So true Azz. DB'ing has taught me many things but if there's a golden nugget of female communication it's from Wonka's thread.
"That must have been really difficult" or "That sounds like it's really frustrating" is like some kind of magic sentence. Low and behold it removes the need to solve any problems, or get frustrated yourself! (mind explodes with possibilities)
Sometimes I just find myself saying it at random times like when the girl at the grocery store asks how my day is...I'll just reply, "That must have been frustrating for you." She looks at me weird, but knows I'm a good listener.
Originally Posted By: Azzork
With that said, I haven't actually touched any of these women yet. I have absolutely NO CLUE how I will react once it reaches that point.
Yea. This one. I have a good notion I'm going to react prematurely. And then try again.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I had a dream about my wife last night, The very first one I can remember since this all began. She was holding my hand on her lap at a barbecue and then she put her arm around my back. That's pretty risque for a man hasn't physically touch his wife in almost 3 months.
How did you feel after the dream Mutatio? Was it comforting or upsetting?
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
Hi PP Lesson No 1. Be yourself. If this woman is interested then that's a really nice ego boost and treat it as such. Your not into an R right now and the lady knows that so be PP ( 2.0) Use your new tools to be a friend with this lady
Lesson No 2. Enjoy someone else's company , listen to who they really are and realise that you are worthy of someone's time and caring
Lesson No 3. Don't let this develop into anything more than what you want it be. We hear a lot of how easy an A is to fall into and with recent events with W , cool needs to be kept
No more lessons as I'm far from qualified to teach anyway. I'm really pleased for you because it's so easy to feel that another R would be impossible and yet here you are with a lady very interested.
Take care brother Rd
Thank you Rd, all of these are true. Taking a deep breath and realizing that there are 7 Billion people on the planet. The one I'm in love with may not feel the same way about me, but that doesn't mean that someone else won't.
Appreciate these three points, I'll be reading over them again and again.
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
How did you feel after the dream Mutatio? Was it comforting or upsetting?
I enjoyed the experience of the dream. I am a touch type person in the 5 love languages so this dream was right up my alley. In the dream my wife was kind and loving to me. She seemed genuinely in love with me. There was not much said but she communicated her love with her eyes. It was a good dream. Then the alarm sounded and my dream changed to a bad reality.
In retrospect it was a bittersweet moment. The warmth of my wife's past love juxtaposed with icy cold limbo I find myself in now. I am glad I had this moment to relive the love that I used to share with my wife.
How did you feel after the dream Mutatio? Was it comforting or upsetting?
I enjoyed the experience of the dream. I am a touch type person in the 5 love languages so this dream was right up my alley. In the dream my wife was kind and loving to me. She seemed genuinely in love with me. There was not much said but she communicated her love with her eyes. It was a good dream. Then the alarm sounded and my dream changed to a bad reality.
In retrospect it was a bittersweet moment. The warmth of my wife's past love juxtaposed with icy cold limbo I find myself in now. I am glad I had this moment to relive the love that I used to share with my wife.
Juxtaposition is the essence of DB'ing in my opinion Mutatio. It's the union of opposites, and the tension between the two. How do you find happiness in the midst of heartache? How do you find beauty in the mundane when the magnificent is being strangled right in front of your eyes. How do you laugh while feeling excruciating pain.
Juxtaposition is one of my favorite words and you hit the nail right on the head with your answer. Every time I dream of my W I wake with the same feeling. A momentary feeling of peace and happiness followed by the drop back into th cruelty of reality. I imagine this is the same situation for any human being experiencing crisis on any front. Sleep gives us a slight respite, only to awaken us to the pain of our lives.
It's November, a new month. A new week tomorrow and a new month today. Who knew that time would become so important when only a year ago I would piss it away. Who knew that one year could be so pivotal and so profound.
I spent the morning lying in bed with Woofie, just enjoying the silence of the Sunday and his warmth. He's asleep on the porch as I type this. Life is OK right now. Life is OK.
Reminding myself that nothing is more attractive to anyone, male of female than someone living on purpose. Today I will live on purpose and hope that all of us DB'ers do too.
Happy November,
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I feel like we are at the same subway station waiting for a couple of trains. You for the divorce express (because you've been served) and me the divorce local. My trip will take longer but I'll end up at the same destination.
Today is a new day, week, month and I've learned today I am not so desperate, frantic to get her back. I would like to have it work out. The way shes is treating me has changed me. If it stays like this then maybe I don't care what happens. That's what I learned today.
