[BrightFuture]

I’ve been working pretty much two jobs for the last couple of weeks. Worked all last weekend. The second job is my contract gig with the company I used to work for as a consultant. They needed to implement some functionality by certain deadline, but didn’t realize how much work it would require on my part. So, I had to work over the weekend and then every day after my regular job until 10-11 at night.

Also, all last week I had the company events, including the Fall Festival where I volunteered to help and represent our team. It was exhausting couple of weeks. I’m really looking forward to this weekend at the vacation home.

H seems to be doing some work now in that state when he went to pick up his truck. He texted me the other day asking to send him the updated company file by Friday (this past Friday). I was so busy that I didn’t have a chance to do my updates in QB, so I texted him back telling him that. I asked him to do his updates and then send the file back to me. He never acknowledged my text. His text was also kind of dry, not addressing me by name. Makes me think again that he is angry at something.

Another package for H showed up at the house a couple of days ago. Looks like from VA optometrist. I think there might be new prescription glasses in there. Funny, how the packages show up right before someone is going to the vacation home. I’m pretty sure H decided to mail it to my house knowing that I will be going to the vacation home. I guess I’m still a safe harbor and a responsible party, LOL. And he is still a “rolling stone”, not having a permanent residence place where he can send his mail to.

In spite of being extremely busy with work, I’m still doing some GAL activities. Going out with co-workers and friends, keeping some traditions. My son came to my house yesterday for Halloween. He carved a pumpkin and stayed to hand out the candy, as we do every year.

I think I figured out why I have some feelings that seem to set me back and make me feel stuck. I have some anxiety issue, always had. I tend to get panicky when I think I would not be able to accomplish something by the time I need it to be done. With all that extra work and other stuff going on, I’ve been having these panicky moods, which bring all other feelings that I thought I dealt with on the surface. Then it passes… when I get some rest and able to relax. Part of this is unfinished “business” with H. I think it is growing on me and at some point I need to pull the plug. At the same time I dread all that would come with the D. I don’t think it will be easy, considering the condo in a foreign country and joint business. I dread the paper work and dealing with the courts and layers, and H for that matter. I guess I will just continue to try to deal with my anxiety the best I can and keep living my life for now.