Ancaire, you are going through some really tough times, even though you may not feel it now you will come out of it a stronger and better person.
You seem very rudderless, not sure what to do, what to think next and you know the cure don't you? Review your goals, update your plans. Just because things don't go the way you expect it doesn't mean that your goals need to change, your plans simply and timescales need amending to deal with recent events.
You love your H and that is why you feel the way you do,you are also in grieving the loss of your M, which is a heady cocktail and one that can have a dramatic effect on you.
Your M is dead, long live your M!
What is it that you want to achieve, by when and how are you going to start off achieving that? Be realistic in the timings and leave things out like learning to walk on water but apart from that, what you can conceive in your mind you can achieve with the right action and the right attitude.
To use a well worn phrase, if you don't know where you are heading, how can you get there?
Get thinking about what you want and NOT want you can't have or do and you'll start to feel a lot better, because you'll have purpose rather than doubt.
Go Ancaire!
- Nobody has ever learnt anything important from happiness and success; problems make us grow - Consult your plan, not your feelings - If you haven't set goals, how can you expect to achieve anything?