My husband works freelance, so he will work with a certain group of people for a short while and then the job will finish and everyone will move to anther job.
This particular job was so successful, that the employers kept putting the team back together and offering them all the same job again for another six months or so.
When I discovered the extent of what had gone on, this time last year, I said to him that the deal would be she never worked on the job again, and he never had any contact with her again. He looked a bit shocked, but seemed to accept it.
In the early new year, the job was suggested again by his employers without any firm offer being made to anyone. This went on for a bit, and I found it increasingly stressful. So when he was away again for a few days in early May, he called her a number of times behind my back, to find out if she was doing the job. I discovered this, and asked him to explain, very calmly.
He seemed genuine when he said he had been concerned for me and wanted to make sure that she wasn't going to accept. I told him that he shouldn't have gone behind my back and that it would have been better if he had voiced his concerns to me, and if we had both discussed how to resolve this. I was very calm.
I asked him if he still had feelings for her, very calmly, and he said no. He seemed genuine.
I had been secretly checking his phone and messages, and found nothing at all suspicious for six months, until that time in early May. No unknown numbers (calls made or received), no strange messages (sent or received).
I do remember him working away in mid June for a week. I knew when his plane home was landing, and he seemed to disappear off the radar for a few hours after that.
After he finally called up, he said he was in the airport bar with one of his colleagues (a male one). But then when he got home, he couldn't carry on with the lie and said he had been in a bar in town, with one of his female colleagues from the job. I said I was upset at the lie he'd told me and it would have been nice if he'd phoned me up to let me know what was happening and I could maybe even have joined him.
What on earth was he doing in those few hours? And who was he with? I'm starting to doubt his story now.
Then his mom told me quite recently, in the past couple of weeks, that about a month after this episode, he got incredibly drunk with her and said he was really unhappy. He refused to say anything more. When his mom suggested that I would be absolutely devastated, he replied with 'she's tougher than she looks'.
I haven't spoken to him in person for almost three weeks now. He's left some voicemails on our anniversary (in various states: lost and confused, then sad and resigned, and then very upset and yearning). I texted him a couple of days later to say I was sorry I missed his called and I hoped the week was going OK.
A few days after that, he sent the text suggesting 'separation'. But I haven't answered. And I won't.
Sorry for all the detail. Getting things straight in my head as regards timeline...it's helping.
