His family is going to support him no matter what. I wouldn't bring up a thing related to your situation.
I had the exact opposite experience.
My in-laws supported me fully fighting to save my marriage and informing them first thing about what their daughter was doing was a significant event leading to our recovery.
While that kind of support is unusual, I find giving people the choice of doing the right thing (and opposing the adulterous behavior of their children and friends) to be much better than just assuming no one cares or they just won't help you. You need all the support you can get and if your inlaws, after 18 years of knowing them, won't support you then that says a lot about them.
I also disagree that most support their wayward child "no matter what". If their is a "most" at all...it's that "most" will shrink in the face of a crisis and simply enable the wayward by not saying anything. As parents their biggest fear is simply losing their child all together. They fear losing their relationship with the wayward child most of all. If the wayward will throw away his/her spouse and kids....why would he not also throw away his/her parents IF they stand in his/her way. Waywards are terrorists and if and when a parent says ANYTHING to them about their choices they simply revert to teenage denial and resistance. They either disappear or throw an tantrum. So parents just concede "there seems to be nothing I can do or say...I tried" and then THEY disappear embarrassed over their childs behavior and powerless to put a stop to it. They simply wait for the storm to blow over and then deal with the victims thereafter.
Not all parents are cowards like that. You are not asking them to hate their child, but merely informing them of the situation and asking them for their prayers and support during this difficult time. If he were mine son....he'd be in front of me within the hour basically telling him I'd disown him if he didn't choose to end his affair right then and there and go home to his family where he belongs. I'm not one that believes in sitting around waiting for an affair to run it's course. It'd be over....and my son would know I wasn't kidding....and I'd personally make him hold himself accountable to me and his wife thereafter that he never see or speak to the other woman again. IF he worked with her....we'd call his boss together and he'd quit effectively immediately.
Original poster - does your husband still work with the woman he was having an affair with awhile back? If so, then the affair never really ended. The ONLY way to end an affair is "no contact for life". There are no short cuts and, as you are well aware, it's torture for the betrayed spouse to endure months/years of their supposedly former wayward spouse going to work in the same workplace as the other woman. You said he was likely going to call her again after he moved out but the reality is he's probably been talking to her all along.
I don't think you have to go dark on your MIL...especially if you need the money. If she's reporting back to your husband, so be it. Hopefully, in a short time after you GAL for a bit she'll be reporting back to him how well you seem to be doing with him gone.
As far as your wayward husband. You should go completely dark on him such that his other woman is responsible for meeting all of his needs. Throw him in the Briar Patch. You are done enabling his affair and indecision. If he wants back into your life he'll need to quit his job, go absolute 100% "no contact for life", get honest (and repentant) and commit to truly recovering your marriage using a marital recovery plan. That's what you call a boundary. You simply refuse to have anything to do with him whatsoever until he meets those conditions. In the meantime, you'll be rebuilding your life....whether he comes back to you or not...you've got to get on with being individually capable of handling either outcomes. Basically...this is individual recovery. You've been abused long enough and what little care you have remaining for your husband needs to be tucked away and preserved "just in case" he wakes up in time and commits to your conditions. Otherwise, in time, you'll be over it and quit a ways through the process of recovery to the point YOU will be 100% done with him.
Go see a doctor about anti-depressants. Going dark on him is going to take an emotional toll on you as well. it's called "withdrawal" and your mind is going to play tricks on you telling you that you just need to have one more conversation with him or one more meeting with him. You'll miss him and your sub-conscious will miss the adrenaline rush of interacting with him. Make no mistake..."going dark" is depressing. You've been doing this adultery dance with him for a long time and part of you prefers the drama because it FEELS better than nothing at that moment. Trust me...until he commits to your boundaries...NOTHING is better....IN TIME. Trust us...we've been through this before you....your best chance at saving your marriage AND/OR saving yourself is to disassociate yourself with your husband to the greatest extent you can.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
