Still on the first chapter

[Enigma]

As she was watching our dog and cat, told me that dog wasn't doing well at her place and asked to visit our home to take care of our dog twice

Oh no, do not agree to her coming in and out of your home. She is living with the OM. I'd dare say there is another reason behind it, b/c the WW is usually extremely manipulative and selfish with EVERYTHING connected to the LBH.

"When she sent pics of our son I could see OM beside my son to the side and anger and sadness flooded. It got to me for couple days then felt better". See what I mean?

[/color]I see exactly what you mean. I'm allowing her interactions based on her manipulation of the situation negatively affect me. I need to put even better boundaries in place.[color:#3333FF]

" I just wonder as W has moved on at what point I really move forward. I've given myself timeline Jan 2016 to decide as I focus on myself and time with S2. W seems happy, is a good mom since she is past her rebellious phase, so steady as she goes".

What makes you think she's past her rebellious stage?

[/color]the reason I think she's past that stage is her demeanor before I brought up friends subject vs after. Before, she would ignore me putting her headphones listening to music. She would spew a bit here and there ( but there was never very angry spew from her ). Would buy accessories, new clothes, go out and party, and largely neglect our S2. The last time I witnessed this activity was the night I brought up friends subject. Since then she's been nicer to me, doing more things with S2, doesn't ignore me and responds to me ( if I have ever needed to contact her around S2, etc. which is minimal on my end now ). As I think further is she really past her rebellious stage? Probably not. I likely have a filter the way I see things and not reality. I mean she's still with OM, living with him, and minimal contact. To be honest I don't care what she gets up to now nor do I really care. So she could still be acting out on her own, but I wouldn't know. All I can say is she is nicer in communication with me now but also likely for a different motive of hers which I need to be careful.[color:#3333FF]

The sooner you move forward, the better. Obviously, you are still emotionally attached, so you may need to come up with a method of less texting. Your WW is wanting the best of both worlds, and that's why she is texting & sending photos of S2. She is keeping you emotionally invested by any means she knows will work. Crazy, I know. You would wonder why, since she is living with OM. It is that part of the WW that makes you wonder about her sanity. She fired you as her H, but she wants you available to her.......in case she needs a Pan B.

[/color]this is so true! Although I've acted as if I'm moving on she may still not believe it. I never said I don't want to be plan B which I should have. She probably thinks I'm waiting ( mind reading here ) so we need to communicate less for sure. So she can feel that loss as well, and so I can focus on me with thinking of her less while she's with OM. Easy to say and hard to do so I need to get better at this.[color:#3333FF]

" I feel better with less communication with her, but still think and dream of her often. I know this will pass and at least my downs don't last as long. This is a journey and a tough one at that.". Yes it will pass, but until you completely detach, it will continue to be tough.

You know how it feels when we lose a loved one in death. We have to mourn. At some point, we have to move forward b/c life goes on. We don't stop loving that person, or missing them. Depending on the individual, we may need to be proactive in getting stronger by avoiding things we know will cause us to stay in a constant state of mourning. Such as, staying at the cemetery every day, keeping their personal items in view all the time, looking through family albums everyday, etc. Yes, we may need to do those things when we first lose them, but eventually, we have to go forward. Sometimes, we have to force ourselves to continue living, and if that means packing their personal things......then we do it in order to get stronger. Then later, having a picture of them setting out, won't crush us as much as it originally did.

[/color]so true here as well. I know I've mourned our relationship and have told her that one is finished. But I haven't mourned her as my W which I realize I need to. Focusing on GAL, myself, S2 helps greatly as I think about her less now. I know I'm almost 6 months into my S now, and I'm in a much better place now from the wreck I was when BD happened. She won't file for D and she doesn't want to at this point. I can't hold on forever so giving this until new year focusing on me and working on he above detachment.

Thank you so much as I'm always wondering whether the present course I'm on is right for me. I know hard to tell but this is a marathon and not a sprint so I need patience. [color:#3333FF]


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