Still on the first chapter

[Enigma]

Sandi,

Thank you so much for taking time responding, I highly value your thoughts having read read through various advice and your awesome threads to support LBH's with WW.

With the "no friends" topic, to be honest, I came home from a week trip out of town with S2 about 4 months ago ( WW was still living here ) and discovered she had OM stay over. She left lingerie out in her room and I was furious. I waited a couple of hours to cool down then confronted her as calm and direct as I could be about her disrespect and no longer wishing to be friends while she was with OM. She asked why I was punishing her but I held she was free to do as she wished outside the home, and this was a personal boundary of mine. I honestly felt a big weight lift from my chest and started to gain strength. Before this, I had been walking on eggshells and feared what I said around her. This discussion freed me and I have felt better about my confidence since. It wasn't easy but I read through yours and Starsky's advice on other threads and it honestly gave me strength ( not knowing whether same advice applied to my sitch, but I was too angry at that point I just acted ).

Thank you for your comments on friends subject and I had seen a change in her behavior since which I will spell out as I respond to rebellious teenage comment. But certainly more respect in our interactions.

She has tried to test me a couple of times talking of her relationship with OM. I simply interrupted her and said don't want to talk about that and only speak around S2, our cat and dog, and logistics. She hasn't mentioned anything else since. But I did cave around her asking to go to house to take care of dog so I need to do better on grounding my boundaries.

I was too passive and walked on eggshells during later years of M. I was indecisive, didn't argue or stand ground on my views, never initiated sex ( which was a big complaint of hers), and was classic fixer type always wanting to take care of her issues and her needs through acts of service ( not her LL). Now I've focused on myself and reconnecting with old friends and making new ones which isn't easy for me as I'm an introvert. But little by little progress is growing my confidence within. I never thought of myself during M and had no friends, just my WW.

You are so right on not agreeing her to come to house as she pleases. I need to think differently there going forward so she doesn't bring out my negative emotions so easily.

I will answer your other questions in next post immediately. Again thank you so much for making me think differently and openly about my S as I should.