Sorry it's taking me so long to tell my story. It's so painful writing this stuff.
I already know about what's happened with him. I pieced it together. I think both times, he's been dazzled by the fact that women have obviously liked him, and he's not set a boundary, but egged them on for more excitement.
In summer 2012 he had a very, very brief thing with a much, much younger woman. He was only ever going to see her for a week, she was on the other side of the world from where we live, and she was absolutely no 'threat' to his life here. But the strain of that (and his work) lead him to collapse when he came home and be hospitalised. Doctors didn't know what was wrong with him.
A few months after that, autumn 2012, I think he may have started this thing with this other colleague...much more of a threat since they were working together for longer.
Spring 2013, he made it seem like it was my fault he'd fallen out of love with me, and my responsibility to bring the spark back. I, being a nice and trusting person, accepted that and tried. But clearly my trying made him feel even worse. And it made me physically quite ill in the end as well, as I was soaking up all his stress as well.
I found out the extent of his affair this time last year and asked him (very calmly) to explain. He told enough of the truth to satisfy himself, and enough of the truth for me to understand the whole truth.
That Sunday when he exploded at me, he also told me that he didn't know who he was any more. That he wanted the adrenaline rush of pursuing other women and also loved our hum drum life at home. I guess I've allowed that situation to happen and continue.
Anyway, I'm pretty sure he's going to get in touch with her again now.
My plan is to leave him to it. I've not answered the text he sent me about separating and I'm not going to. What even does 'separating' mean? It's such a vague word. Part of me is thinking he's trying to get a reaction out of me, trying to get me to lose it, and say I want a divorce so that he can say 'my wife wants a divorce'. And also so I'm the one sorting it all. He'll be the poor victim in all of this.
If he calls, I'll see how I feel about answering. I may, or may not.
I've always been at his beck and call, and helped him with everything (he hates doing anything practical to do with running even his own life). He's already re-written history, and changed that act of kindness to me being controlling and interfering. So that's all his responsibility now. I can use that energy for myself.
If it gets to the point where he is asking me for a divorce, well, he can organise that too.
