Back on these forums again 2

[Mona52]

Tonight's activities involve taxiing the children and fixing my S's PC. At one point I finally sit and think, "what the he||, I guess I should answer him."

Ya know how they say DON'T SNOOP!

That is only PARTIALLY OK not to do. I text him back and ask him what he wants. While I am doing that, I am opening mail from my bank.

Cr@p...

When my H left me last time, and moved to Maryland, he got a mini-van, because OW already had like 4 kids (all different fathers).

He defaulted on the payment, and his bank account went negative, so he was put in check systems.

When this stellar example of a real man returned, he had to use my bank account until he fixed his issues. So it was a joint account.

When he started mismanaging funds, I protected us by opening a new bank account in only my name.

I NEVER snoop into the joint account because I know I will see him spending money on Facebook and video games. It drives me CRAZY. So I stopped snooping.

But as I check my mail, I see it. I AM ABOUT TO BE PUT INTO CHECK SYSTEMS!

He has had this account negative since Sept.

It is OK. This is not an emergency at all. Monday I will go to the bank and take care of it. But imagine my state of mind as my H replies. I think I did OK. My real end goal is to save my M, but only if I can have the man I married. Like a financially responsible person with a full time job that pays his bills.

H: When do you plan on moving in to your mom. So I have a time frame as to when I have to go

Me: My plans were to start moving today. I even planned a dinner get together on Tuesday I had to cancel.

Me:But rent here is fine so we can just wait.

10 minute pause and then .......

H: Any way you could help me pay off cable? If you can't, I understand.

Me: X Bank is 3 days away from putting both me and you in check systems because your account is still negative

No reply

Me: I will take care of X bank on Monday, your kids need winter coats and school shoes, I will do that. Then, we will see if I get a support check soon. your cable is 195, right? How much do you need?

H: $198.70

BLOOD BOILED OVER... I called him
He did not answer.

H: I'm at work I can't answer the phone

Me: That's probably a good thing

Me: Let's talk about this some other time. I g2g


OK... Here are my issues.

1. HE JUST GOT PAID ON FRIDAY AND HIS CHECK HAS OVERTIME.
2. Nothing... not a single peep about putting us in check systems...
3. He did NOT drive D to party last night.
4. He did not go to soccer game
5. He did not go trick-or-treating
6. I CANT MOVE UNTIL HE MOVES!

I am TOTALLY justified my telling him, to go (do something) to himself. I am clearly right, he is clearly wrong. He will never learn if everyone keeps helping him. He HAS to do this on his own.

6. I CANT MOVE UNTIL HE MOVES!

I stepped away from this post at this point to think about really what is true and not true.

Should I help him if I can? My mind is screaming NO.
Am I worried if I don't help him, he will not want to R?
Maybe, but I don't know. I want more than anything for him to step up and be a man.

6. I CANT MOVE UNTIL HE MOVES!

Is this really true? NO. I cant move NOW if he does not move. But I can buy my own house when I get my income tax check. That cute little one we were looking at is still for sale and in my price range. Granted, it will financially strap us if I get a mortgage right now. Until I figure out how to live on my paycheck and his support payment that does not even cover rent.

I can wait here and still move in with my mom weeks from now when he fixes his stuff.

Wont he feel like such a man if he has to fix it?

He will hate me if I force him to be a man. Is this statement a fact or a fear of mine?

Does it matter if this statement is a fact or a fear of mine?

Bottom line, I am not helping him. A part of me hopes he gets mad because he is p!ssing me the heck off and it is time for him to feel it too.

I am going to use MY money for me and the kids. I saw the cutest pair of shoes today. Wouldnt it be great if I used the money that could have helped him to buy mushrooms and shoes I dont need.

(I am about to be in check system, I am allowed a little anger. I am not really gonna buy the shoes!)

Very very long story short. Crappy, but not a problem, any of it. PMA up because nothing happened I cant handle.

Now how do I word my response of "Please take that bill and shove it, I cant help you."?