Re: LBH w/ a WW trying to save my M (3)

[gs9]

Those sound like good boundaries, how are you going to enforce then if she doesn't do what you ask?

Whoa! I haven't ordered or demanded she stop her A's. I know this would not be productive. She is not someone to be pushed around or bullied. I have told her as long as she is involved with these other men and continues to choose them over me and our family then I do not want her. As far as the A's all I can do is love her from a distance and work to be the man only a fool would leave. Not supplying the needs a H would supply as long as she continues her activities outside of our M.
As far as her disrespect... I'm able to create and maintain this boundary by first stating it and then when she crosses the line I tell her "I will not tolerate name calling. I'm leaving the conversation" I begin to walk away. She did this on Sunday night and when I started to walk away she called me back, apologized and asked if we could continue our conversation. I do not let her get away with one slip. My consistency is causing a change in her. It may be too little too late but at least I feel good about this boundary.
I do not expect her to end the A's and come back to the M. What I would like to see is her end the A's, respect the M and get the IC she needs to heal. Then work on the M. She is broken and abusive. I will not go back to an abusive M.

I've a real sense of peace because I really want to be M to who she wants to be, who I know she can be and who she has been 90% of the time. The problem is the other 10% is so abusive I can't stay in it. She will either get help and we'll have a great and healthy M or she won't, she'll complete the D and I won't have to put up with the abuse on regularly basis.

Either way I'm in a better place.