All of the things you said about your WH, I said and meant about mine. I still do, but today I stand for V and her M. Above all I will be free, I used to say I will no longer be abused as it kept me strong. Now I say I am free and becoming freer to be me, to love, to celebrate my higher power.
And I haven't forgiven WH although I no longer carry any resentment. Freedom means that, free from the need to forgive, his higher power has that job.
I think you know why your WH is doing these manipulative things, like packing his party clothes so you can see him doing it? Good news, he is gone for the weekend. You can come out to play!
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 10/30/1508:30 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Thanks for the links, V. I'm looking forward to reading.
I think H meant to intentionally cause me pain. I just don't understand why. Because I haven't dropped the rope? Because he knows I love him, and he wants me to stop? I do not understand.
What I am going to say may seem strange, my WH Msd WH, Z WH all have done the same. It s their behaviour. WH doesn't care if you have dropped the rope or if you love him.
He does this because he can and it rewards him, he likes it, it feeds his empty ego. He thinks he has control.
It has nothing to do with you! You are just the target of it. This behaviour is for him, it isn't personal to him. Strange as that seems, he sees you as an extension of himself. It pleases him to do so and it is nothing to do with you. truly it isn't, he would do this to anyone in his way, at the moment that's you.
I recommended the Lady Caroline Lamb film, Lord Byron behaved the same way.
V
Last edited by Vanilla; 10/30/1509:00 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Interesting...I do believe he sees me as an extension. He was highly upset at the idea of me being with someone else, although he can be with as many someones as he wants. He makes statements about the future and the kids which involve me, although I've told him I will do everything I can do to avoid having to see him.
It's like he wants to be free to do what he wants, but doesn't think I'm really going anywhere. He thinks he'll still have access, like I'm a belonging or something. He calls me his wife, while telling me he's already divorced in his mind.
It is so bizarre and confusing. He's nice one minute, hateful the next. I know I'm tired of dealing with it, and far too vulnerable to his nice moments. I need to keep my guard up, but even that is exhausting. I plan to do lots of resting and movie watching this weekend. It'll be wonderful!
Films? I was considering the ones you've recommended. The one about gaslighting and the one you mentioned above. It's the perfect weekend for movie watching...rainy and cool.
Trying to shake off the hurt from knowing what H is up to this weekend. I'm starting to doubt I'll ever be able to detach. I don't want to feel this way forever!!!
Stay strong Ancaire. It, like everything else, will not last forever. My boss gave me a quote, that was supposed to be Churchill... boss' version of it.
When you're going through hell, keep going because that is no place to stop and take a break.
I like that one, and have to remind myself of it some days
35 3 boys Not my circus, not my monkeys anymore....
You seem a little better Ancaire. I am glad to see it. I read this and liked it,maybe it will help you too.
"According to an old sufi story, there was once a king in the middle east, who was constantly torn between happiness and despair. The slightest thing would provoke a strong reaction in him, and when he felt happiness, it would swiftly turn into disappointment or hopelessness.
The king eventually became so tired of himself, and his life, that he decided to face his problems and call for help. He was notified of a wise man in his kingdom, that was said to be enlightened. The king pleaded for his help, and when the wise man came to see the king, the king told him: “I want to be as you are. I want balance and clarity in my life – And i will pay you any price you demand for that insight”.
The wise man responded: “I might be able to help you, but this insight is so valuable, that the entirety of your kingdom will not be enough to pay for it. That’s why i will give it to you as a gift, if you will honor it”. The king promised he would, and the wise man went on his way.
Weeks later the wise man came to the king again. This time bringing a jade shrine. The shrine contained a golden ring with arab letters inscribed on it. The letters said: “This too shall pass”. “What is the meaning of this?” the king asked as he stood baffled. The wise man told him to always carry this ring on him, and to always look at it before he judged anything again. Good or bad. “Do this and peace will be with you always” the wise man said.
The words “This too shall pass” is revealing eternity, because they are pointing out that all situations in life are temporary. – And only that which is eternal can point out that which is temporary. “This too shall pass” is a sentence pointing at the eternity living inside us. The eternity that will outlive our physical form, thoughts and feelings. The eternity which is life.
When you cover up the eternity living inside you with temporary situations you are giving them much more meaning than they, in reality, have. Living like this will continually lead you into despair over truly irrelevant things."
It helps me keep things in my life in perspective. Hope it helps you.
Wow, Mutatio! That was way better than any old Shakespeare quote! LOL
Seriously, I'm copying this into my journal. It speaks to me with the pure clear tones of truth. I badly needed something like this tonight. Thank you so much.
Yes, my attitude is improving. I'm working hard at meeting all obstacles with calm, quiet grace and strength. I will not stoop to meet H at his level. I've been working on new goals with a clear idea of who I am and who I want to become in mind. Judy 2.0 in the making.
