Hi Sandi, that brief confrontation (15 secs of sarcastic comments back-and-forth) in front of kids was addressed the following night. WW and I agreed that it was uncalled for and not to do it again. Truthfully, I am the one who would make sly comments in front kids; she would catch them but not respond (that's why this event caught me off guard.. she provoked and I swung back with my comment).
I am making a more general statement that she turns things around (again, a rule I need to be more aware of.. to focus on her feelings not mine). When I express how I feel such as, you did (something) it made me feel (like this).. she falls back onto her perception of me being self-centered and never caring about her.
Sorry for the lengthy explanation I was making reference to this event that happened the night we agreed to avoid confrontation in front of kids.
Originally Posted By: 123mich
However, later that night I did press her on what has her upset. She initially gave me attitude that she did not have to tell me anything since I did not tell her. Apparently, she needed $ to pay our bills and went to another bank where I deposit $ from my paycheck (none from hers) to save for rainy day and kids’ college fund. We dip into it when she does not have $ to pay monthly bills; she has always be the owner of the M to paid bills (I did the long term $ planning). Well, I closed the account to drop her from the account (remember she took $2k in cash saying she did not have to tell me about it) so I dropped her from this account (I can’t trust she and was protecting myself and kids; she could in theory take the $). She was pissed at this because when she went to the bank they told her she is not on the new account.
This led her to rage out at me for trying to kick her out of MBR when the house was sold to us by her parents at the low end of the market value (she threw that in my face.. I could have said that we renovated the entire house since then.. but didn’t). She went on to say, “yes I left the MR and had an A but you left me first and was never therefore me so F@C! U!!”
I cannot recall the details on how we got from $$ to house. The point I am trying to express is that she turned my action (bank acct) and MBR (again she took it upon herself to move her things out of MBR based on a comment I made but then moved her things back) into it being about me (her view is that I am selfish).
Ahhh.. this is so mentally confusing, fustrating, painful.. but I am getting there.. detaching. HUGE THANKS to you and those here.
