Asked husband over phone directly if he wanted to work on reconciliation and he said no. He said It is over. There is no other woman, we are just not compatible. His therapist (our old marriage counselor that suggested to me privately he had gambling problems which he doesn't) helped him to see clarity. That we were too dysfunctional and it's not healthy for kids. He can't give me what I want and I can't give him what he wants. That living together dysfunctionaly is worse for everyone then being happy separately. That we are both too stubborn to compromise and we are too different for things to work.
He feels He changed too much to appease me and became miserable ( he was for so many years) He never spoke up and just did what I wanted to keep the peace and then became a shell of a person. He said We can't make each other happy. He was never happy and he has thought a lot about this for a long time. And now he can become himself again. That he was dying. That financially it will hurt him but he can't live like that anymore.
There is no way he will change his mind. He said he left as a last resort to see if he would. He said we were never happy and he does not know why he married me (I was surprised at this because he was not the type to just jump in a marriage and we dated 7 years and lived together first)
So now we will have to figure out how to move forward. I feel guilty for my role and sad that he does now want to fix it. Since there is no other woman and since he is now being direct and honest it's hard to villify him, which would have made it easier. I am just deeply sad. That bit of hope and limbo and anger and paranoia was killing me.
He is right that our marriage was dysfunctional, I just thought it could be fixed. I feel horrible. I feel like he won't even look back and regret this decision because how we interacted for all these years was just so bad. ( he even said he could have gotten over me having an affair, but not how I was to him)
I feel like I must have been horrific, like an abuser for him to come to this conclusion.
Me: 42 H: 43 Twins age 5 Physically Separated 7/2015
