Back on these forums again 2

[Mona52]

Thanks Sotto, I really needed to hear what you said and it helped me turn a corner.
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When I was DB'ing the last time, my H moved so far away. He would contact me on holidays and things like that to see the kids.

Not a lot, just here and there. UNTIL

I am ashamed to admit it, but it took me well over 2 years to learn the meaning of detach. I was the worst possible DB'er ever back then.

There was a guru named Snodderly with the patience of a saint and 2x4'ed me almost daily because I was terrible.

So 2 years pass and I bumble through, but cling to these boards like a lifeline.

After the 2 year mark it happened. (You all need to prepare your selves for a shock, because what I am about to say is forbidden on this forum!)

I signed up for an online dating site.

(calm down people)

I went on dates. Some were terrifying and I am blessed to have made it home at all. Some were so much fun I have no words to describe how fun they were.

Then I met (OMG, I cant remember his name) I will call him Tom. We went on multiple dates and we were really starting to grow.

That was when H noticed and came home.

I am not suggesting anyone here date. That is what happened to me.

Even though he was a million miles away, when I really dropped that rope, he finally noticed. When he said he wanted to work on the M again, I could have easily said no. I did not feel strongly about him coming home anymore. I was on the fence and truthfully, I think i only said OK and stopped dating Tom because I did not want to disappoint friends here. I could have just as easily say 'See ya' as I closed the door. ("Ok, he also said how beautiful my eyes were... That may be the actual reason I said yes, but I am going with friends here and sticking to it")

But it is way more than that. When I dropped the rope, the old Mona died. That person who was defined by her H and children and the world revolved around them. I magically got better at everything. I had this midas touch all of a sudden. And my only regrets is that I did not reach for higher goals, because at that time I could do no wrong. I logged in here every day, and by then I had developed a close group of friends and with their support and laughs and tears and fights (yes, we fought way more on the boards back then because people had powerful opinions and strong ideas about what MWD really meant.) With all of that I did not even realize I could move a mountain, the mountain just seemed to move as long as I did what I was told and focused on me.

I am not killing Mona this time. I really like her sometimes (yes, I hate her other times) but she wont die this time around. I will tweak her a bit here and there, and cling to the words on the forums. Not to get H back. Not to save M. But in the last 8 years I forgot important life lessons and I need this refresher course.