OMG Judy, I just caught up on your thread and was floored! What a group of friends your H has, huh? I want to tell you the first thought that popped into my head when I read what the friend said to you, but I am fairly sure the people on the board here would maybe flog me if I gave my kind of advice, so I resisted
Thanks mutatio, I actually posted that because Sotto gave me pause to think today. I am not a normal thinker. I analyze the heck out of a question from every single angle before I decide on something.
Sotto suggested that me thanking H was just my way of staying connected. I replied quickly "No its not..." and then I gave these reasons why its not. Then I spent no less than 8 hours today pouring over old threads and detachment and TLR and going dark. I searched out old threads that I remembered from back in 2004 for guidance.
That post I threw there because I think Sotto is correct. And I need to drop the silly rope. I dont need to pretend to drop the rope, or act as if I am dropping the rope.
So I knew my H was coming today to drive kids to my sis's. I put on no makeup and left my hair as-is. No tidying up, we are moving tomorrow, no need to put stuff away.
I went up to my room and enjoyed some me time. Turns out my H bailed on the kids. No big deal, they called my mom and found a way. I did not have to do a thing.
H did drive them home, but I was actually napping! (I was worn out after studying TLR all day).
I did not return his text and by now he should have figured out I am not going to. Our lives are separate now. Does not matter what, where, when or why. It just is. I am not going to change that. He has a ton of growing up to do. I cant help him, I have to send him away to learn how to be a man. Now it is all about me and my kids.
I bought the 5 love languages book for teenagers and I will start becoming supermom tomorrow. After trick or treating of course.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Yeah... the move... about that. I said it before (or I should have) and I will say it again, we are our own worst enemies when it comes to moving forward.
I packed like 4 things...
It is OK! I can't actually move in until he is gone. And I am still renting the house we live in, so there is no rush for me to get out by x day. I will not hand the keys to the landlord until I have scrubbed, repainted and made sure this house is in perfect order.
I am not taking any big items, like beds, dressers, etc. I am starting with a clean slate, so we really do not have much to move. A couple car loads ought to cover it.
Hopefully he is OUT tonight. But I am going to a party tonight, so if he moves tomorrow, it is fine. I have a soccer game tomorrow morn with S, and I need to drive my D to work and I need to go pick up my other D from a friend's house in a different city, and be back in time to pick my D up from work.
I am sure the Monsters... wait, Angels starts with an 'A' not an M... the angels will be starving by then, so we will need to somehow eat something. THEN... after everyone is dead tired, we can move. HA!
But, it is totally possible that I will be posting tomorrow from inside my new house.
Gosh, wanna know what I am most excited about? The kitchen! I cant stop thinking of the dinners I am going to create in there.
It is always nice to have priorities, right?
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
I messed up today and totally proved Sotto is correct.
Today is the 1 year anniversary of my MIL passing. I was all gung ho for dropping the rope and detaching. But I still sent him a text today, just letting him know i was sorry today was a bad day and tomorrow will be better.
It does not matter how he replied or what happened from that text. What matters is that I should really have not sent it.
If we were D'ed, or worse, if I had died, he would have gone through the day without me. He did not NEED me to sympathize. It was my need to force a connection.
BTW, he replied very positively to my text so it is all good.
We LBS feel there are certain things that it is OK to break the rules over. Yep, I can rationalize it til the cows come home that I was right in sending that text. His mother died, of course I can show support.
But the fact is, that one text proves I am so far off the mark right now. And I am sabotaging any chance of actual success because I am not focused on what I need to be focused on.
Starting now I am going to do this correctly. If I see him or not, it does not matter. If he contacts kids or not, it does not matter. If I have high heeled black boots on or ratty, tatty sneakers when I bump into him, it does not matter.
This is my official goodbye to my H. No, I am not giving up or giving in. Just the opposite. I am taking the gift of time and pushing him away so he can grow and become happy with himself.
My goal is to enforce no text, no emails and no phone calls with H. My goal is to not rationalize reasons why I HAVE TO connect with him.
Tonight I will drink to goals at 10:00 PM EST. Fell free to raise a glass with me no matter where you are.
Last edited by Mona52; 10/30/1504:00 PM.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Even though you did absolutely nothing wrong, since you say you deal with weight and exercise every day, and my scale looked like it was broken this morning, I am going to place the blame on you.
So, here is what happened. I wanted a cigarette last night so badly.
The urge was so bad, that before my kids left the house, I asked D17 for a $20.00 so i could run to a drive thru quick and I would give it back to her this morning. There is a store directly across the street from my house that sells cigs. And I needed cash, they dont take debit.
She should have realized, because if I could drive to a drive thru, I could drive to an ATM and get my own cash.
I had the money in my hand, and instead I popped a pizza in the oven and ate the whole thing. Like I said on your thread, I washed it down with LITE beer. But UNBELIEVABLY, I have gained back EVERY SINGLE ounce I lost in the past 3 weeks i one night.
WHAT????
One backslide and I am back at square one? Rude!
On the bright side, I did not smoke.
On the bad side, I was so discouraged that this morning I ate a big breakfast, and had some extra calories for lunch.
PP, tell me something to turn me around. Like, Mona, women should NEVER weigh themselves every day! It is water weight. Every scale in the world was broken this morning.
Or, at the minimum, tell me not to forget to turn my scale back 10lbs this weekend for daylight savings.
Last edited by Mona52; 10/30/1505:07 PM.
Me: 42 H: 45 M: 18 yrs T: 20 yrs D: 17 D: 15 S: 12 I kicked him out 8/21/15 I will DB until March 21st 2017, that is it!
Love the toast Mona. I'm on the wagon but will raise a glass of sparkling water for you.
The damn rope is just so hard to drop. So hard. And the rationalization angels work in immensely manipulative ways. I've taken post it notes out, written "DO NOT REPLY" and put the post it right on my phone after getting a text from my WAW. And then I had to leave the room. And then do push ups. And then write the reply and then delete it. Then delete her message so I can't see her name in my text roll.
The rope? It's fully dropped until I get a message from her or hug her when we do dog swaps, then I pick that sucker up, dust it right off and start apologizing profusely in my head for even considering letting it hit the ground.
So I hear you. You've got this though, you've been through the game before so you'll have the muscle memory there to guide you. No rationalizations. Enjoy the victory of finding a reason to contact him and then not doing so. That's real power. Every time that happens it's like a penny in a jar. Soon you'll be rich!
How're those squats coming? Even quarter and half squats are a good place to start. How much weight do you want to lose?
PP
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
