Still riding the waves

[mleigh4]

Hi Sotto. I feel confident, but it's hard. My son is my world, I do hate to miss the trick or treating, it's a first, but I just don't see myself walking the neighborhood with H. I don't feel like being buddies for the night! I hope I am not going backwards here. I am not sure why I have fallen into being uncomfortable around him again, I thought I was past that anger and resentment....it's been coming on pretty strong lately...I suppose it could be the anticipation of the upcoming holidays and the fact he has robbed me of spending them as a true United family. I know I have the choice to grin and bear it, I know H would happily spend them together, but I think I would regret that, I don't like the image of myself as a doormat and enabler.

Hi Cali. Well, I guess it got his attention. Last night H TM back:

H: I can take him (trick or treating) Are you going trick or treating?

Me: I am going to talk to S about passing this year. I don't think he will care either way.

Silence....

H dropped off S with me this morning. H LOVES the carpet, he couldn't stop saying how good it looks and telling me I did a great job. He then mentioned the last big unfinished home project we always wanted, granite counters in the kitchen. He said he knows a guy. I told him that is my next goal I am saving for, but in the meantime I just plan on having the tiles deep cleaned and resealed to last a couple more years.

He mentioned that he forgot to get some stuff in the garage last time he was here, I said I noticed, it's in there. I told him to feel free to take the rest of his things that are in there, he said nothing and only took what he needed.

I figure he noticed all the stuff I am storing for my friends, but he didn't say anything about it. It's funny, the husband, a friend of H, had told me to let him think some guy is moving his stuff in! Lol, you would think so by his stuff. I figure, let H wonder.

So, H had the charm on this morning, happy and chipper, maybe he really is happier being on his own? Ouch. He almost sucked me in, but I caught myself and put my guard back on. I really hate all this, I want to continue closing up this chapter in my life.

My girlfriend invited me out Saturday night with her and her husband. We are going to dress up and hit some local places. Sounds fun!