Mona, you are absolutely right, but only in DB world would we be having this conversation. It all goes back to what someone on this board said a couple of months ago that has stayed with me (sorry I can not remember who)- to not judge a person in crisis. Judy's H is in crisis right now. So, Mona, you are right, Judy has a valid option to stay out of his way, focus on herself, and choose not to engage or make any decisions until the point where her H is either out of crisis or until she just decides that she has had enough. The key, Judy, is to make sure you also are not in crisis, through self care and avoiding the crazy maker, stay out of his way until you are sure how you want to proceed. Anything can be forgiven if you choose that route, and D can always be filed at any time if that is the route you choose.
Just stay out of his way, protect yourself legally, morally, emotionally, physically, so the casualties don't keep piling up. The only thing worse than one spouse in crisis is two. You have already proven you are strong, but you are not indestructible.
