Julie, I have had those dreams and they were awful. But not as awful as actually being cheated on. My H claims his A was not physical so I think that has let him justify it in his own mind. Also he claims I destroyed his life and so I think keeping that anger going is helping him to justify his behavior so he doesn't have to face up to what he has done.
I am feeling exactly how you feel- I long for a companion but still trying to salvage my M to a man who I have lost respect for.
I so badly want to write my example of most recent H behavior that caused me to lose respect even more, but trying to stay away from specifics in case I am being spied on. Also trying to stay positive. But I will say that the more these incidents pile up, and the longer H lets this awful "being in limbo" phase drag on, the more I lose respect. I don't want to stay together just for the kids, but I do feel like that is where this is heading right now. Kids and finances and hope for healing, but that hope is fading. I still love him, but this is not a person I would have chosen to marry.
