Careful Z, you are going to finish by writing more than me here!!!! I wish I could get my W to open up like I seem to do with you. Ha ha.A year ago I would never have been able to express my feelings like I can now. I have never been as in touch with my emotions. In the past I may not have been willing as I should have. But now I am willing and able to. BUT I can't because W has blocked that side of things. I understand this completely and I am sorry you are going through this.
As I stated early on this was a big thing my W needed from me and I was lacking. So reality really hit in when I tried to discuss emotions etc and for her to no longer want that. The only good side is that I now know what it is like to not have emotional needs met, which she probably felt for ages. Probably, yes. Keep this in mind when there are opportunities to validate those feelings. Make a list because there are probably a bunch of these feelings out there that need to addressed .
I don't have time to reply to all your point s but I appreciate everything you took the time to share.
At this stage stage the sex side of things is not my driving factor.It has been so long now that I can't remember exactly when was the last time.can't be far off THREE years. How the hell did I let that happen!?! Yes the physical is important for me but the smaller everyday things are what I crave most. Holding hands, cuddle, hugs, kisses for no reason, basically the basics of a normal R. But not just touch, I really miss the emotional connection, the trust, the surety of being there for each other. I guess I am saying I want to feel WANTED. So the big thing here is what makes you feel wanted and why. Why do we need that physical attention. I am not even remotely suggesting those feelings are not right because I would bet 85% of the guys here share THAT complaint. What I am going at is what can you do for yourself here. We need to feel whole and wanted and secure, keep your focus on you to figure THAT out.
You have said some of that stuff before and I appreciate you remndibg me of your viewpoint. I am not aiming for NC. I guess I was following her lead and that's where it headed. I am not sure my situation is that different to others. Maybe W has checked out but cannot leave.
There are a lot of maybes including she does not want to lose me. I cannot mindread so I will just work on the basis of rebuilding R from the ashes. I will have plenty of time for lrt and NC if she drops her bomb. It also made sense to me that W needs to feel she is losibg me. Guess i need to d?cide one path and be consistent. OK so the bolded sentence could have summed up my thinking when I first started typing yesterdsy...that was the point I was trying to get across with all of this $hit I typed...ha, I am terrible at being concise.
No W does not attack me when I open my mouth. No she does not avoid me. No she does not criticize me. Yes she talks to me, yes she does eye contact most of the time. Yes, she stands up for me with kids.
When I sit down to do my roadmap towards roiste2.0 I will take out DR and relook at my R goals. I am not yet the man only a fool would leave.BBut he us on the way.
Great. This is awesome idea.
Is she worth it. I waver on this Q. Yes she is great and I want no other. Yes we could be great together. She is worth waiting for. But ultimately a time may come that I will be happy with who I have become and if that is not good enough I may have to follow my path alone. Without beating myself up, my W stayed all this time, even at worst of my depression.I don't owe her that but I want to give her more time. I once thought two years would be a good target, which puts me halfway.But now I am nit putting any timeframe on it. I doubt I could keep it up for another year, but who knows. I will take it step by step and next landmark is Christmas. I'll know when I am finished and until then that is fine.
You WILL know. There won't be a decision or a viable choice anymore when you get there. The fact that you are not there yet and you are wavering back and forth sends signals. Let's keep that PMA up and keep moving forward with you as #1, cannot forget this part in all of this. Your happiness is ultimately the goal here. Think about all the tools you have now to get there.
Wow, seems you know how to get me talking too!!
Sorry about all of the posts, I can see the pain in your posts and I just hope for you to look in the mirror 5 years from noW and smile. No thoughts of regret, only happiness and contentment...that is my ultimate goal.
