God is good. Life is Good. We are living in blessing. The Universe conspires to give you that which you desire and need, be open to it, believe it, seize it. Love yourself, care for yourself, and most importantly forgive yourself and others. We are all trying our best to live a happy life.
Woke up this morning feeling positive but also feeling a bit sad. I miss my wife, being with her and my boys. Sitting on the couch, enjoying each other's company. Listening to their days, what excites them, what moves them. I miss being told by my wife how much she misses me and loves me; but I also realized that although their was worked to be done in our relationship, I tried my best at the time (that which I knew at the time) to give her the life she wanted, loving her the only way I knew how, by giving her all that she wanted. At this point I was the one posting pictures of us together, as a family, proud of my wife, and my family.
Maybe I messed up because I forgot to take care of myself, which led to resenting my wife, and deeper down resenting myself for forgetting to love myself. I am again realigning myself with the things that used to excite me, the fact that life is great, we are alive, we are living, we can change anything about our lives, for the better. Meeting new people is always exciting, helping others, uplifting others, this all beautiful things; even more beautiful is uplifting and loving yourself.
I have began to take responsibility for my short comings, my flaws, that which contributed to the lack of trust in my relationship; my confrontational nature (the need or desire to proof a point and be right); the need to be validated externally (which leads to seeking approval from other people, mainly women). It isn't easy, the first step is accepting that these are my flaws, then forgiving myself for them, and finally making the changes that I need to make to change. I have desire to be better than I was, to teach my Sons to be better men than I was when it comes to relationships. Overall, I am a good man, a great father, but always told myself this false story that I would never be a good partner to anyone, and as anything that you believe enough, it came to pass. So I am working on changing that story, believing that I can also be a great partner to someone, to love myself enough not to need any outside validation, and to trust, love, uplift, care, and respect my partner.
Sorry if this has gone all over the place, just jotting down my thoughts and sharing them with you all.
God Bless you. Much Love.
M: 34 W: 33 S: 7 S: 14 months BD: 6/2015 Separation: 6/2015 Back and Forth between Home and Moms
